Remind Me Im Alive
by trexeffex
Summary: CROSSOVER FIC. SoN Gossip Girl TV show Ashley attends Constance Billard and befriends Serena van der Woodsen, becoming a part of Manhattan's Upper East Side inner circle. Spashley, Waldsen and many more... ((Important Notice- 5-29-13))
1. Chapter 1

So everyone has probably heard of Gossip Girl the series on the CW or whatever. I myself kinda dislike the show cause I read the books and all before they made it into a show and I know everyone says it cant follow the book exactly but still… what turned me off the most was the whole Dan and Vanessa thing… neither of them are anything like their characters in the book and they had the most interesting personalities and all going for them… I dunno. It annoyed me, but Blair and Serena kinda make up for it…

Anyway, this is a crossover fic between Gossip Girl and SoN, but since I don't religiously watch the show Gossip Girl, ill probably tend to stick with the books' storylines or situations. And there will be blog-like updates like those of the infamous Gossip Girl. Due to the fact she uses the first initials of first names, and there happen to be doubles, heres how its gonna work out:

S Serena, Spencer. Ill put this reminder before each GG post. The rest go by first initials.

So im not gonna go into mad details of everyone's life, but the main characters you'll be hearing from are: SoN Spencer and Ashley (duh), Aiden, and Kyla. (Paula, Arthur, Madison, Glen and Chelsea will be in it but not focused on as much.)

Gossip Girl Blair, Serena, Jenny, Nate and Dan and Vanessa will be like the book version because like I said, in the show, (which I don't really watch), their characters are changed drastically, so yeah. If you didn't read the books, ill be putting in more info about their backgrounds, but for the sake of visualization, I'll keep their appearances as portrayed by the actors who play them in the show. All the other characters will be included just not focused on as much.

And now for the summary/background…

Similar to the book/show, Serena returns from boarding school to find an angry Blair and lovesick Nate, and no actual friends.

Ashley, as always, is the badass of Constance Billard with a rep for partying hard and bitching people out, unfortunately, one of those people happens to be Blair Waldorf, which means she's been deemed a social pariah amongst the students. Which just happens to make her the perfect match for the now ostracized Serena… and that is where this story will start.

**Chapter 1**

Ashley walked across the lunch room towards her usual spot near the windows and away from the rest of the Constance Billard student body. Mondays were usually her easy day since her usual hangover gave her more than enough reason to skip out after 2nd period. Usually. However today she wasn't so lucky. Today as she was getting ready to leave after 2nd period, an assembly was announced, which meant the doors would be blocked, making sure everyone had to suffer through the torture.

Why the assembly, you ask? Well she can't recall and neither can anyone else probably.

Though she wasn't socially involved in the CB inner circle, she still heard the rumors of a certain blonde returning from boarding school. The infamous Serena van der Woodsen.

Now she had transferred to Constance Billard School for Girls at the beginning of Sophomore year, and Serena had already left for the boarding school, but she'd heard a lot about her. Ashley's own reckless nature had been compared to Serena's on more than one occasion by some boys she knew at St. Jude's.

Sitting at the top of the bleachers, staring off into space, Ashley eyed the door longing to get the hell out of the school. Her head was pounding unpleasantly and she cursed silently under her breath as the assembly began but was startled when the doors she had been watching, burst open to reveal a disheveled blonde looking anxiously around the gym and biting her lip. There was a collective gasp throughout the crowd, followed by whispers along the lines of 'oh my god!' and 'is it really her?' and 'she definitely got work done.' Despite her messy hair and clothes, Ashley could see clearly that people had not been exaggerating in the slightest when they spoke of Serena's beauty.

The tall, slim blonde walked slowly towards the bleachers, straightening her tie and skirt and flashing a red carpet worthy smile. The principle turned and eyed the girl, silently urging her to hurry up and take a seat. She nodded and sat at the edge of the bleacher closest to the floor. The whispering continued for the next 20 minutes and Ashley knew Serena must've been able to hear it all, but the girl remained composed, smiling and feigning ignorance.

After the assembly, everyone filed off to their respective classes as Ashley made a second attempt to escape. Walking down the main hall, she was about to turn down another hall that led to the parking lot, but stopped when she heard an all too familiar voice. Blair Waldorf. Seventeen years old and already sporting the manipulative edge of a millionaire's wife. Maybe it happens to be due to the fact that she's a millionaire's daughter. Maybe…

"What do you want, Serena? Why are you back here?" Blair harshly whispers.

Ashley hears a sigh and waits for the other girl to answer, "Come on, Blair, don't be like this. I didn't want to go to boarding school. I had to, I had to get away. I'm back now and I want to make things right. I missed--"

"Don't. Just don't, alright? You cant just come back here and expect everything to be like you left it. _You_ left, Serena. Without telling me or even Nate. So just stay away from me and stay away from him." With that, the sound of heels angrily hitting linoleum makes its way towards Ashley who ducks into the girls' bathroom to avoid being caught eavesdropping by Blair.

Once the sound fades fully, Ashley makes her way out of the bathroom and towards the doors once again, but is stopped when she turns down the hall, only to find a close to tears Serena, leaning against the wall with her hand over her eyes.

For a second, she contemplates just sneaking past and getting out of there fast, but she felt sympathy for the girl. She seemed as lost as Ashley herself felt most of the time.

"Hey, are you okay?"

The hand is removed from the blonde's face to reveal light blue eyes and a half smile. Serena laughs bitterly, "Not exactly." She looks Ashley up and down. "Are you a Junior?"

Ashley nods, watching the girl warily.

"Are you new? 'Cause I've never seen you before." The blonde says this in a curious voice, no longer looking as sad as she did moments ago.

"Well, I've been here since Sophomore year. I'm Ashley… Davies," she reaches a hand out to the other girl, who in turn smiles wide and takes it.

"Serena van der Woodsen. Nice to meet you."

After that, Serena had told Ashley she'd find her at lunch. Which is why Ashley is sitting in the lunchroom on a Monday. It's a very rare occurrence indeed, but there was something about Serena that made Ashley want to stick around for lunch. A new friend didn't seem too bad.

The brunette is soon pulled out of her thoughts when the chair next to her is pulled back and a now familiar blonde sits down with her tray of food.

"Hey," Serena says, happily, making Ashley smile as she returns the greeting. "So why'd you transfer here?"

Ashley was surprised at how the girl just jumped right into conversation, but didn't mind. At least it didn't feel awkward. "Well, I'm originally from L.A., but my mother moved me and my step-sister here to be closer to my dad's studio. Plus she's a real fan of the Upper East Side WASP living."

Serena nods as she spears a piece of lettuce with her fork. "Yes, its ever so appealing… So do you miss L.A.? I've been there a few times. Insane night life."

"Yeah, I definitely miss it. The people here are just a little…" Ashley scrunches up her face making Serena laugh.

"Yeah I know what you mean. They can be dull sometimes."

"Its more drama than L.A. People there were so laid back compared to here."

The blonde rolls her eyes, "Everyone here is so uptight." She loosens her tie and unbuttons her collar. "So, Ashley, what are you doing after school?"

"Well, nothing is set in stone yet.. Why? What did you have in mind?"

The smirk and mischievous glint in Serena's eye tells Ashley that she is definitely going to like this girl.

--

"How come you didn't tell us Serena was back?" Kati questioned Blair, her eyes nearly bulging out of her sockets. Her brunette friend sat in shock, however, not registering the question as she saw her ex-best friend walking towards the bleachers.

Kati nudged the girl in another attempt to get her attention. When Blair looked over at her, she asked the question again, earning an eye roll.

"Seemed rather unimportant…" Blair said lowly, and then added under her breath, "The girl did always love to make an entrance."

Her friend disregarded the last comment and instead turned to the girl on her other side to whisper, "You think she got kicked out of boarding school? I heard she was pregnant…"

"Well she obviously didn't keep it then," the other girl replied. Blair scowled, disgusted by her friends' petty gossip. Her mind was racing and the emotion she felt when Serena briefly made eye contact, surprised her. It was excitement… happy and angry at the same time. She thought her head would explode.

Its safe to say she didn't hear a word Principle McLean said.

When the assembly finally ended, she was one of the last out of the gym, because she had been hoping she'd catch another glimpse of Serena even though anger had overcome her initial happiness sometime during the last 20 minutes.

She didn't see the blonde and decided she would see her eventually, and that it wasn't that big of a deal. Blair made her way to 3rd period and was only a hall away from her classroom when she was stopped.

"B!" An all too familiar voice called after her. She stopped dead in her tracks, her heart pounding in her throat when she heard the nick name. Slowly, she turned around on shaky legs and tried to look neutral. The blonde caught up to her, walking over with a wide smile that for a second, almost made Blair forget her anger. Almost. "Hey," Serena says, breathlessly.

"What do you want, Serena? Why are you back here?" The brunette whispered firmly, her eyes burning into the blonde's. The smile dissipates from the other girl's face who stays silent, then sighs. At this point, a fed-up Blair turns on her heal to leave, when Serena reaches out to grab Blair's hand in order to stop her. She realizes this isn't a smart move when the brunette jerks her hand away as if scorched by fire.

"Come on, Blair, don't be like this. I didn't want to go to boarding school. I had to, I had to get away. I'm back now and I want to make things right. I missed--"

"Don't." Blair chokes out, the pained expression on her face hushing the blonde. "Just don't, alright? You cant just come back here and expect everything to be like you left it. _You _left, Serena. Without telling me or even Nate. So just stay away from me and stay away from him."

When the blonde bit her lip and looked down at her shoes, Blair made a swift exit, turning the corner before Serena noticed she'd left.

Her AP English class dragged as she contemplated what Serena's surprise return meant for her. Would things go back to how they were? Where Serena was at the top and she was second best? No. It wouldn't happen. She wouldn't let it. She'd fight to keep the life and image she'd created for herself during her former friend's absence. And resurrecting their friendship was unimaginable. After what Serena did to her, leaving her like that, after what had happened. There was no way they could be anywhere near what they used to be. It had only been a little over a year ago that Serena had disappeared, but Blair had given up on the possibility that Serena was coming back anytime soon, though she never really left the brunette's mind.

The bell finally rang, signaling it was 4th period. It was lunch. Blair dreaded the onslaught of questions and gossip. She'd yet to come up with a good reason as to why she hadn't spilled about Serena's reappearance. Saying that she didn't know Serena was coming back and telling the truth just wasn't an option.

The cafeteria was buzzing as she walked in. Everyone in the school was no doubt talking about Serena. She'd already received a text from Chuck asking why she didn't tell him Serena was coming back, and there was an update on Gossip Girl all about it.

"She got kicked out of boarding school, obviously, but why?" Isabel questioned Kati as they sat eating.

Before Kati could answer however, Blair cut in, "It's a long story, but I'll just say; some of her old habits started kicking in," she alluded, knowing the her friends would presume it to be drinking and whoring around. "It just got to be too much for the school."

All the girls around her were focusing only on her and nodding and commenting to each other. She knew she had them convinced and smiled, feeling relaxed finally.

The feeling was short lived, though, because a few seconds later she spotted Serena walking through the cafeteria with her tray of food. Blair watched her closely as she walked right up to a table and sat down, without hesitation, next to Ashley Davies, a.k.a. the school dyke. This made Blair's blood run cold, her grip tightening around her plastic fork as she watched the exchange between the two. She eyed Serena's expressions and hand gestures as she talked to Ashley. She had the oddest urge to walk over and slam the rock and roll trash into a wall, just for talking to Serena. She swallowed slowly as she felt the familiar burn of vomit inching up her esophagus, and ever so gracefully got up from the table and walked briskly out of the cafeteria in search of the nearest bathroom. It seemed even after her long absence, Serena was still able to make Blair feel all the feelings a girl shouldn't have towards her best friend.

--


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

"I really just got back into town yesterday, so I haven't been anywhere or seen anyone yet," Serena explained as she and Ashley headed towards St. Jude's School for boys. They were going to meet Nate Archibald, who, despite being Blair's boyfriend, was one of the guys Ashley hung out with a lot at parties or social events. It had actually been Nate who had given Ashley all the information she had about Serena.

Ashley nodded. "So why did you come back? If you don't mind me asking…" The girl nervously prodded, hoping she didn't overstep any boundaries.

"No, its fine. I'm back for more than one reason, really, but the main thing is because I had left in order to pull myself together and everything." Serena shrugged, looking over at the other girl, "So that's what I did and then I decided I was ready to come back and right my wrongs. Or try to at least."

"I get what you mean. Sometimes I just want to get away and clear my head of all these things going on in my life."

"Exactly," Serena smiled as they walked up to the school.

Nate stood near the building's main steps, waiting for them. Serena ran up and enveloped him in a bear hug that he seemed more than happy to return. As they were in the embrace, Serena had told him it'd be best if he didn't mention to Blair that he had seen her. He agreed it was for the best, though he was disappointed that his girlfriend had to be brought up at that moment. It made him feel a bit of guilt as he enjoyed the hug from Serena a little more than a friend should.

When they parted, he greeted Ashley and gave her a quick hug, then motioned for them to follow him to the parking lot where his driver was waiting.

"So, ladies, where are we off to?" Nate opened the car door for them as he asked.

Once they were all inside, Serena answered, "Well, I told my cousin we would hang out as soon as I got back into town."

Nate nodded, then asked. "Which one? Spencer?"

"Of course," Serena said and turned to Ashley while Nate told the driver their destination, "I doubt you know Spence, too, 'cause if you do, Manhattan must be smaller than I remember."

Ashley smiled, "I don't know, the name doesn't seem familiar. What school does he go to?"

Serena and Nate both glanced at each other and laughed, leaving a confused Ashley hanging for a few seconds before Serena explained, "Yeah, I don't think you have. _She _is a freshman NYU."

Ashley's eyebrows shoot up. "Oh, wow, sorry. I just kind of assumed…"

"Don't you know what Principle Mclean says about assuming?" Nate chided jokingly receiving eye rolls and laughs from both girls who then recited their principle's favorite saying:

"When you _assume _you make an ass out of _you _and _me_."

Serena then assured Ashley, "Its okay, a lot of people are thrown off by it. Spence hates it."

"I kinda like it," Nate interjects, "Its different. I think it suits her."

Serena furrowed her eyebrows, "Are you saying that she's different?"

"In a good way, I mean," he says quickly and the two girls laugh. It was going to be a fun night.

When they arrived, Ashley hadn't been surprised that Serena's cousin owned her own loft in West Manhattan. She knew the van der Woodsen's had old money. She also wasn't surprised to see the girl had blonde hair and blue eyes like her cousin. She'd seen Serena's mother, Lillian, and brother, Eric, at the social events her mom dragged her to.

They were greeted warmly by Spencer, who'd let them in and played hostess fairly well, offering food and drink. Growing up a WASP tends to mold you into the perfect housewife before you even think about finding a husband.

What Ashley remembered most about the visit was the laidback air of Serena's cousin. Her bohemian-hippie style had intrigued Ashley. She'd figured all the van der Woodsen's to be well polished and dressed in designer chic, but Spencer pulled off the hippie look very well, and was shy and modest despite her background.

"How is NYU?" Nate asked before taking a sip of water. His eyes, though focused on Spencer while asking the question, kept wondering back to Serena. They had been on her practically since they'd first met up at his school. This, no doubt, was picked up by the brunette who kept thinking back to earlier that day and the exchange she'd heard between Blair and Serena. She now understood why Blair was so adamant that Serena stay away from Nate. There was definitely something going on there, even though it appeared to be one sided.

Spencer shrugged, "I've only been there a month but I like it. The work load can be rough at times, but I wasn't expecting anything less."

"What're you majoring in?" Ashley asked the blonde after snapping out of her 'what's going on with Nate and Serena' daze.

"Communications and Business Management," Spencer answered happily.

"Well its good you like the school. Now what about the parties?" Serena cut in, grinning devilishly at her cousin who just smiled back and shook her head.

"You know I'm not like that S. That whole scene doesn't do it for me but there are a lot of good underground concerts and clubs where you can just relax and hang out. Speaking of relaxation," she said suddenly, looking over at Nate, "I have something you guys might wanna try." With that, she got up and disappeared down the hall and returned seconds later with a bag of, of course, weed. She tossed it over to Nate, who's eyes lit up at the sight, and sat back down in her seat.

Nate examined the substance and nodded, "Very nice. Where'd you score this?"

"My friend Margaret works at a hedge shop a few blocks away. She knows where to get all the good stuff and I figured since S was back in town it'd only be a matter of time before I'd be seeing you again." All three girls laughed at this as Nate nodded in agreement.

"So you wanna try it?" he offered, looking around.

"I thought you'd never ask," Serena smiled widely.

"P-put on some music," Serena stuttered as she shrugged away from Nate's tickling fingers. The four of them had just finished off a blunt and were seated still in Spencer's living room. As hostess, Spencer got up from her position on the couch and walked over to her large sound system and speakers. She hit a single button and the low, awkward voice of Juliet Simms was heard around them.

"Just. Keep. Breathing… 'cause if ya don't then you'll die…

_The door slams, I wake up_

_Another illusion I have made up_

_For this, I cry…"_

Ashley softly nodded her head to the music, unfamiliar with the artist but enjoying her scratchy voice. She watched the two across from her as Serena swatted Nate again and laughed, stopping suddenly and looking around for the source of the music. "Oh my God. Juliet Simms! She is sooo hot!"

Ashley smiled, having the urge to find the nearest computer and google the singer. If Serena thought she was hot then…

The other blonde laughed, shaking her head, "Okay now, S, I'm the gay one here, not you."

"But she is!" Serena said lazily as Nate perked up.

"Dude, that's so hot," he said looking over at Spencer with red rimmed eyes and she continued to laugh with more force.

"You're such a perv." she observed inoffensively.

He ignored it, looking between the two blondes. "Have you ever heard of kissing cousins?" He asked seriously and the three girls laughed loudly, Serena nearly falling off the couch.

"Not happening," Serena said, gasping, tears spilling from the corners of her eyes.

"Fine." He then looked between Spencer and Ashley, "Friends with Benefits?"

Ashley snorted at this. "We just met, I'd hardly consider us friends to begin with."

"True," Spencer said, somewhat disappointed.

Serena was the only one to pick up on it, and she interrupted., "But haven't you heard of random drug induced hook-ups?" she showed a look of mock surprise.

"The best kind," Ashley told her, nodding, then looking at Spencer, and biting her lip. "You are pretty cute," she smiled lopsidedly at the blonde, who returned the grin.

Through her hooded eyes, Ashley saw Spencer's pink tongue gently slip out and wet her lips and mimicked the action, feeling slightly excited and nervous, but her high overcame it as she leaned in and captured the blonde's full lips with her own, immediately getting a reaction and seconds later feeling Spencer's tongue lick her bottom lip. She opened her mouth eager to deepen the kiss.

Serena and Nate sat in silence. Nate had his mouth open, his tongue practically out and drooling. Serena watched with a wistful and far off look of a deeper sadness.

After long seconds of kissing, the girls were forced to pull away for breath. During their epic first kiss, they had forgotten they weren't alone. They also had managed to get in a lying position on the couch with Ashley beneath Spencer.

Spencer was the first to pull away, opening her eyes and looking down at the brunette below her, she whispered, "Whoa."

"Yeah," Ashley replied breathlessly, keeping her eyes locked with the blonde's.

"Holy shit!" Nate drawled happily as he watched the girls. Spencer was off of Ashley quick and sitting beside her on the couch, staring at her hands, feeling somewhat embarrassed. Ashley smiled widely and resumed her seat next to Spencer before reaching over for the blonde's hand and giving it a squeeze and leaving her hand wrapped around the girl's fingers. Spencer gave Ashley's hand a squeeze back and looked at her, smiling when she saw the brunette grinning at her. They were still pretty high.

It had been an amazing kiss and at that moment, all Spencer wanted to do was kick out her cousin and Nate and have her way with Ashley.

"So," Nate groaned, stretching out his arms and pretending to almost hit Serena in the face. This earned him a swat in the ribs as they both laughed. "Who's hungry?"


	3. Chapter 3

CHAPTER 3

**Gossip Girl**_: After a year of boarding school, our favorite Wasp legacy has indeed, returned. Is this cause for celebration? __**S **__and __**N **__seem to think so…_

**Spotted**_: __**S **__and __**N **__making their way towards Central Park with __**S**__'s cousin, recently accepted to NYU and Constance Billiard student/Rock 'n Roll Princess, __**A**__; all looking as though in the midst of celebrating. But if we still know __**S **__as we used to, the partying has only just begun…_

Blair sat down across from Kati and Isabel, "I'd hardly call this place worthy of it's review."

She looked around at the unfashionable decorating and furniture with a look of disgust.

"You haven't even tried the food yet," Kati tried to reason, knowing it was pointless.

"Yes, well, I--" Blair trailed off abruptly when she spotted Serena through the glass window of the café. The blonde wasn't alone, however. She was with her cousin. Blair bit down on her lip, unsettled at seeing Serena, yet wanting to go talk to her. Ever since their encounter earlier, she'd been wondering what the blonde had to say to her after all this time.

Then she saw two more people join the cousins. It was only a split second before she realized one of them was Nate, her boyfriend.

Blair was out of the café and up the street in practically an instant, and Serena was the first to spot her.

"B!" she called out giddily. It wasn't until Nate turned around and smiled at her goofily that she put two and two together.

"You're high," she said matter-of-factly to Nate, disregarding Serena entirely.

Nate shrugged, "It would seem that way, wouldn't it?"

She shook her head at him, then looked over at Serena, her lips curling with disgust. "You just don't listen, do you?"

Serena opened her mouth to speak but was interrupted by Chuck, who had the worst timing ever. "Serena," he drawled, walking up behind the blonde and making his presence known. She immediately recognized his voice and closed her eyes as she reluctantly turned around.

"Nice to see you, Chuck," she greeted him with a neutral tone. Her run in with Blair had already been a buzz kill. Adding Chuck to the equation sobered her up almost instantly. She knew from experience that you needed to watch yourself around him.

"Well don't look so happy, my lady. I see I wasn't invited to your warm little… homecoming," he scanned the group with amusement at the undeniable tension.

Blair scoffed and turned back to Nate, "Don't do anything stupid." He looked down and nodded slightly, understanding what she really meant. Even though she had no idea that Serena and Nate had slept together, she was aware of their history. He still felt guilty about the matter, so he put up with Blair's jealousy.

As the brunette turned and started back towards the café, Serena decided to go after her.

"Blair," she said catching up to the girl. "Please… stop."

The shorter girl slowed to a stop and turned to Serena expectantly. "What?"

"Please. We need to talk. I need to talk to you. Just five minutes, I--"

Blair shook her head. "I don't think that's a good idea," she turned her head, looking towards the café then down at the ground.

"It is. We need to talk about this." Serena insisted trying to catch the brunette's averted eyes with no luck.

With a sigh, Blair started towards the café again, leaving the blonde without an answer.

Serena was disappointed, yes, but she hadn't expected anything less from Blair. She knew she was wrong to leave abruptly and without warning. The honest truth was that, after what happened with Blair, and then with Nate, she hadn't known what to do and running felt like her best option.

And now she had come back to confess, knowing that after Blair and her had their talk, which she was determined to achieve, Blair would never want to see her. Let alone speak to her, ever again. Sleeping with your best friend's boyfriend definitely had a price.

Serena turned and headed back to the group wearily. She was almost there when her phone went off. She stopped to fish it out of her purse. It was a text from Blair.

**My house at 9**

The blonde smiled sadly, remembering how hard it had always been for Blair to stay mad at her.

When Spencer had spotted Blair coming towards them, she had grabbed Ashley and tugged her into the closest store possible, which happened to be a maternity boutique. The brunette had been caught off guard but had still followed Spencer.

"Are you…?" Ashley began, looking around at the clothes, noticing the maternity theme. However, it took the blonde a moment or two to realize what Ashley had been referring to.

"Oh, no… No, I just needed to get out of there before I got dragged into the whole Blair and Serena mess. It had the potential to end up very badly."

"How do you mean? How are you involved in the fight?"

Spencer contemplated this for a moment, her thoughts still hazy, before smirking, "It's a long story."

"I've got time," the brunette shot back with the lopsided smile Spencer was growing accustomed to.

The blonde laughed and nodded, "Alright, then. Come back to my place and I'll tell you the whole story, just so long as you promise not to tell Serena."

Ashley held her hand out for the blonde to take, "Deal."

"I have to tell her, Nate," Serena said as they sat in his car. They were on their way back to drop her off at her hotel and Serena was anxious about talking to Blair. "I'll take the blame. I'll tell her we were both drunk. You know she won't blame you."

"No," he sighed, shaking his head and looking over at the girl. Before she could protest, he continued, "I'll tell her. You can't take the whole blame."

"I don't want to mess up what you have with Blair," the blonde said firmly.

Nate leaned over towards her and said softly, "I don't care. I'm breaking up with her."

"What?! No, you can't! Why would you do that?"

"So that we can be together," he reached out and grabbed her hand. "I know that we both want this. What happened between us wasn't just a drunken mistake."

"But it was," she whispered looking away from him and taking her hand away. "Nate… I didn't come back for you. I'm-- "

"Look, I know you want to protect Blair, but after she finds out, she'll hate us both," he reasoned as the driver pulled over and stopped in front of Serena's hotel.

"I know, but she loves you and even if I did feel that way about you, I could never do that to Blair, you know that." She opened her door and looked back at the now destroyed Nate. "I'm going to tell her tonight." she continued softly, then got out of the car and closed the door.

The driver rolled down the window that separated the front and backseats. "Where to?"

Nate leaned back against the seat and sighed, "Blair's."


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

"Wow…" Ashley said after listening to Spencer's excuse as to why she practically ran when Blair showed up.

"Yeah, I can't believe I just told you that," the blonde laughed and shook her head.

"I won't tell Serena," Ashley promised, "And I doubt Blair would ever say anything to her."

Spencer smiled, "True." She paused thoughtfully, for a moment then asked, "Do you want anything to drink or…?"

"No, I'm fine. Actually, I should get home before my sister gets worried," the brunette stood up and smiled at the blonde, "It was really nice meeting you. It was a very interesting time," she said, making Spencer laugh as she walked her to the door.

"Well I'm glad you enjoyed it."

The brunette nodded and nervously turned back towards Spencer as she opened the door. "I was wondering if maybe you'd like to, you know… go out some time?"

Spencer pretended to think it over for a few seconds, giving Ashley just enough time to second guess herself, but before the girl could open her mouth, Spencer replied finally. "I'd love to."

Ashley let out her breath, relieved.

"I'll give you my card so you can call me. Hold on." The blonde held up a finger, indicating that she'd only be a second, then walked over to the island counter in her kitchen, leaving a bewildered Ashley standing at the door.

"You have a card?" She asked smiling incredulously as Spencer walked back over to her.

The blonde nodded, "Indeed I do. I tutor grade schoolers and stuff."

Ashley raised an eyebrow. "Are you sure you're a van der Woodsen?"

Spencer laughed, "You know, I get that a lot…"

Serena walked into her hotel penthouse to find it completely empty, though she wasn't surprised. Lily was on so many committees on top of her job that she rarely ever was around when her daughter was awake. Serena didn't mind this as much as other girls might. She greatly disliked the pressure her mother was always putting on her and the looks of disappointment. Serena had been gone a year, yes, but just because she changed for the better doesn't mean her mother did, too.

Her first stop was the fridge for a bottle of water, then she went up to her temporary room and dropped down onto the bed and looked over at the alarm clock which read 6:30. Since she didn't have to be at Blair's till 9, she pulled her cell phone out of her bag and dialed an unfortunately familiar number.

"Hello, Ostroff Clinic. How can I help you?"

"Yea, hi, could you put me through to Eric van der Woodsen's room, please?"

"Hold on one second…"

Serena waited while the phone began to ring again.

"Hello?" A male voice answered.

"Eric! Hey its me!"

She heard the boy chuckle on the other end and smiled widely.

"Hey, what's up, Serena?"

"Well, I was wondering if you were busy or not. I wanted to come by. Would that be cool with you?"

"Yea, that'd be great. Can't wait to hear about your first day back," he said happily.

"Alright. I'll be there in 10."

After being dropped off at the building where Blair lived, he had gone up and knocked on her door only to have the maid answer and inform him that Miss Waldorf was out. Now he was sitting in the lobby of the building, calling Blair for the third time in 45 minutes, however she'd yet to pick up.

He sighed, sinking down in the chair and wondering where Blair was and why she wasn't answering. He also pondered his conversation with Serena earlier. Could he really let her tell Blair if it didn't mean that he and Serena could be together? Would Blair dump him even if Serena took the blame? He couldn't risk it, so he had decided to tell Blair himself, but now he was wondering if that was such a great idea.

**Spotted**_: A very happy __**A **__leaving an apartment building in West Manhattan, and a not so happy __**B **__entering the aforementioned building moments later. Would this seem to be a coincidence? Only to an amateur… _

_It appears both girls are seeking the attention of another blue-eyed blonde these days… At least they're keeping it in the family…_

Spencer had just poured herself a glass of iced tea when she heard the buzzer go off. She walked over and pressed the button. "Who is it?"

"Spence? It's me, Blair. Can I come up?"

At first the blonde thought she was hearing things but still found the strength to press the button that would allow Blair to come up. She was definitely the last person Spencer had been expecting.

Blair hit the ignore button for the fourth time that night. She had more important things to take care of and Nate would have to wait.

She walked to the stairs after waiting for the elevator for a few minutes. In this large and populated of a building, having only one elevator seemed ludicrous to her.

It would only be five flights of stairs and Blair felt the exercise would do her some good. Relieve some stress maybe.

When she got to the third flight of steps, she was almost knocked down while turning the corner by a slightly taller, scruffy looking boy with brown hair and eyes. She had seen him around the schoolyard before and knew he went to Saint Jude's.

"Whoa," he reached out and steadied her. "I'm sorry, I didn't see you…" he continued nervously and she rolled her eyes before walking past him and continuing up the stairs

Though she would have normally loved to have given the boy a piece of her mind, she was too distracted at the moment and decided she'd just leave it for another day.

When she finally got to Spencer's door, she knocked four times and then stood anxiously waiting for the girl to answer. It had been a while since she'd seen or spoken to Spencer. Things between them became uncomfortable after what had happened and though they never actually talked about it, the drifting away had been mutual.

"Hey," Spencer said as she opened the door and let the girl in. "What's going on?"

Blair sighed and walked over to sit on Spencer's couch, waiting till the blonde followed her over and sat across from her. "I figured that since Serena was back in town, we should finally talk about what happened…"

Spencer nodded slowly and said, "I know we never talked about it but we both agree that it didn't mean--"

"Yeah," Blair cut in before she'd finished, "Which is why I came to make sure that it was okay with you if we didn't tell Serena about it."

"Yea, right, of course," the blonde agreed. There was brief pause before Spencer went on to ask, "So how do you feel now that she's back and all?"

Blair sighed, "These past few months I have barely even thought about her, you know? I was finally accepting that she wasn't coming back and now…" Tears welled up in her eyes as she continued, "Its all coming back. All the feelings and the pain. Its horrible and what makes it even worse is a part of me is just so ready to forgive her."

Spencer moved from her seat to sit next to the brunette. "What about the other part of you?"

Blair shook her head, "Its angry. So angry that she came back without warning, just like she left. And angry that she thinks saying "sorry" will make it all better. But mostly angry because she can still make me feel like this after all this time."

"Have you talked to her at all?"

"Not really. She's tried to talk to me but I blew her off. I texted her to meet me at my house tonight. I don't know why I did that, 'cause I just don't feel ready at all to talk about it. I feel like I'll just forgive her and I can't do that to myself after all that I've gone through trying to forget her."

Spencer put an arm around Blair and hugged her gently before saying, "Then maybe that's what you should tell her." She reached out and tilted the girl's chin towards her, "Listen, okay? I know Serena, and I know she knows that she messed up big time. She doesn't expect you to forgive her just because she came back. She just wants you to hear her out and I think you need to hear what she has to say."

"You're right."

"Of course I am," the blonde said seriously, causing Blair to laugh as she wiped away a few tears.

"I missed talking to you about stuff," the brunette admitted quietly.

Spencer nodded, "Me too. But you know, what happened is in the past and I'm always here if you need me. You know that, right?"

"Yeah," Blair smiled, "Thanks."

"No problem."


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

"You're really messed up over this, aren't you?" Eric observed after hearing about the two encounters Serena had had with Blair.

Serena ran a hand through her long blonde hair, and nodded, "I just missed her so much when I was away. Now I'm back and I just want everything to go back to how it was. I wish I'd never left."

"But you had to, Serena, it really was for the best. You're doing so much better now. Maybe you just need to show her that. Fight for her. You know Blair, you know her better than anyone," her brother tried to reason, hating to see his sister so upset.

She bit her lip and gave him a troubled look. She hadn't told Eric what had happened with Blair before she left, or that she had gotten drunk and slept with Nate. She couldn't lie to Blair, and she knew that if she told her about sleeping with Nate, she'd never forgive her.

"Its not that easy.." she whispered, an ache growing deep in her stomach as she looked at the clock, seeing it was almost 8 o'clock.

"How can you be so sure?"

She gave her brother a weak smile, "Because, like you said, I know Blair… and I know its not going to go back to how it was."

________________________________________________________________________

It had been nearly two hours and Blair had yet to return. The wait had given Nate time to think long and hard about how to deal with this situation. Despite being in love with Serena, he really did love Blair. And if he couldn't have Serena, he wasn't going to risk losing his girlfriend of 4 years. She was his best friend, really. He could always go to her to forget about the turmoil raging at home between his parents. She'd let him vent and always said the right things to make him feel better. Blair really wasn't as cold hearted as she seemed, though she was good at pretending to be. Nate realized he had a good thing going with Blair, which is why he made his way out of the building, set on catching a cab home.

That was until he saw Serena making her way towards the building.

He knew why she was here, and he couldn't let her do what she was about to do. He had to stop her somehow.

Then it came to him, and he ran up to Serena, surprising the distressed blonde.

"Nate? What are you doing here?" she asked, her voice betraying her fear. There was only one reason why he would be here.

He swallowed and looked at her seriously. "I told her."

"What?" Serena choked out, her heart pounding.

"I told her what happened between us that night…"

She shook her head in disbelief, "No you didn't. Tell me you didn't," she whispered, close to tears.

"I'm sorry, Serena, but I don't think you should go up there. Just forget about her and go home. You can't fix this," he said softly, half regretting lying to her about this, about breaking her heart. But she broke his, he reminded himself, trying to find some justification for his actions.

She bit her lip, looking towards the ground, trying not to break down crying, but the battle became increasingly hard with every second that passed. Forget about Blair? The thought alone made her insides ache horribly. How could she ever forget the love of her life? She couldn't, and she knew it. She wouldn't leave things like this.

She shook her head and wiped the few stray tears from her cheeks. "No. I'm going to go talk to her. I have to explain…" She started to walk towards the building again when Nate grabbed her arm, stopping her.

"That's really not a good idea," he pleaded, knowing she couldn't go up there, and also knowing Blair could arrive at any second.

"I don't care," Serena said, pulling her arm from his grasp. "She already hates me, so I don't think I can make it any worse."

"Serena, listen to me, okay? Its not worth the trouble. You'll just get hurt."

"Well, I hurt her, Nate. So as far as I'm concerned, she has more than a right to hurt me, too. But if there will ever be a chance of getting past this, or at least making things right, then I have to talk to her now."

Nate clenched his fist in frustration. "I can't let you do that."

Serena furrowed her eyebrows, deeply confused by Nate's behavior. "What's going on Nate? Why don't you want me to talk to her? What did you tell her?" All the possibilities of how Nate may have changed the story to save his own ass, came rushing into her head.

Nate knew his plan wasn't going to work. He should've remembered how stubborn Serena could be. He sighed, looking to the ground. "Nothing."

Serena looked at him, astonished. She was relieved Blair didn't know, but also angry that Nate would lie about such a thing. "I don't even know what to say to you," she said, disgusted at him.

"You cant tell her, Serena. I don't want to lose her." he replied, brokenly.

"You just said three hours ago that you were going to break up with her, and now all of a sudden you don't want to?" Serena still kept the disgust in her voice, her anger only rising. "You know what, Nate? She deserves better than you, I hope you realize that."

Nate cringed, still not making eye contact. "I know."

She stared at him silently for a few seconds, calculating her next move. She took out her cell phone and checked the time. 8:52 p.m.

"I have to go meet Blair." she said finally, "And I'm going to tell her. Everything. Its her choice if she stays with you or not, but if she does, you better not hurt her."

With that, she turned and headed inside the building, emotionally preparing herself for what was to come.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

**As Blair exited her cab she could've sworn she'd seen Nate getting into one a few cars up, but didn't really think much of it. She was still pissed at him for hanging out with Serena.**

**Serena…**

**She looked at the time on her watch. 8:57 p.m.**

**Serena was usually never on time, so she took her time making her way into the building, wondering what tonight would bring. She kept thinking about what Spencer had told her about letting Serena know what she'd gone through after she left without warning. Just thinking about the pain she'd experienced caused a lump in her throat. Would Serena hurt her like that again? But the bigger question going through her mind was, Could she handle it?**

**The elevator doors opened and she stepped inside, feeling more nervous by the second. What would Serena say? What could she possibly say to justify her leaving and all the pain it caused? Blair was certain there was only one thing that might make it better. But even if Serena did say those words, it wouldn't erase the past year from her memory. Nothing would.**

**The doors slid open and Blair nearly gasped when she saw Serena standing in her foyer, like she belonged there. She used to, Blair thought in a moment of weakness. She quickly got rid of the thought and composed herself, stepping out into the foyer. **

"**How did you get in?" she asked, her tone neutral.**

"**Your mom was leaving as I was coming in. She let me up here, I hope that's okay…" Serena explained, feeling like her whole body was shaking. Blair walked past her and into the living room. **

"**Its fine," she said shortly, taking a seat on the couch and motioning for Serena to do the same.**

**The blonde approached cautiously, leaving a cushion in between her and Blair as she sat down.**

"**I don't know where to begin," Serena began, but Blair cut in.**

"**Lets start with why you're back." Blair didn't look at her as she said this, but kept her eyes on the coffee table while unconsciously twisting her ring around her finger. Serena smiled softly, remembering Blair's nervous habit, but then bit her lip, her face serious again.**

"**There are a few reasons why I came back, but the reason why I came back so suddenly is because…" she took a deep breath, composing herself. "Eric is at the Ostroff center."**

**Blair looked up at Serena, confused as to why her brother would be there. Serena saw the question in her eyes and continued. "He tried to kill himself."**

"**Jesus," Blair's eyes went wide. She had to fight the urge to pull Serena in for a hug, to reassure her that everything would be okay. She looked so fragile that Blair was finding it hard to not want to protect her or help her in some way. "Is he okay?"**

**Serena nodded, "He's doing fine now."**

"**That's good." Blair said softly, being careful with her words.**

**The blonde nodded again then continued, "I also came back because the reason I left in the first place was to pull myself together, you know? I was a mess when I left. And that's why I'm here. I need to tell you something. Something that happened the night that I…"**

**Serena trailed off, hoping Blair would give her a sign that she understood what she was talking about.**

"**The night that you kissed me?" Blair whispered softly, looking away again.**

**Serena swallowed the lump forming in her throat and answered, "Yea, the night I kissed you."**

**Blair looked back up at her. "What happened?"**

**The blonde looked back at her, tears in her eyes, "I-- I was so confused and messed up about what happened between us. I didn't know what it meant. I thought I had freaked you out, that you'd never want to speak to me again…" The tears were starting to fall now and Serena tried her best to control them. "I couldn't handle that, so I went out and I got drunk, as I usually did when things got rough back then."**

"**You didn't freak me out…" Blair said so quietly that Serena had nearly missed it, but she managed to hear every word.**

"**I didn't?" Serena asked, scared she'd misheard her.**

**Blair looked back at her and shook her head solemnly. "I kissed you back. You were the one who ran out of the house, remember?"**

**Serena nodded, ashamed of how she handled the situation. "I remember. I know I shouldn't have run. I just… I couldn't bare the thought of losing you because of that and I knew things could never be the same. But what scared me was that, I didn't want it to be the same. I wanted something more." Her voice shook as she finally admitted this all out loud.**

**Blair remained silent, staring at Serena with an unreadable expression, and the blonde stared right back at her, waiting for her to say something, anything.**

"**What are you saying?" Blair asked, her voice low and betraying her anticipation of Serena's next words.**

"**I'm saying that I realized I was in love with you, and I got scared." Serena said, finally gathering up the courage. "I was scared because I didn't know how to handle these feelings, and because I was such a disappointment to my mother that I wasn't even willing to think about what she'd do if I was possibly gay. And in the end, I was more afraid of you returning the feeling than not because I was afraid I would hurt you."**

"**And now?" Blair asked, her expression softer as a result of Serena's confession. **

"**And now what?" the blonde asked, understanding the question but still wanting Blair to clarify.**

**Serena watched as Blair started to twist her ring again, but this time keeping their eyes locked. "How do you feel now?"**

**Heart pounding incredibly fast, Serena thought she would faint. "Do you really want to know?"**

"**Yes," Blair answered, her voice still soft and barely audible. She knew the pain that the answer to this question could cause, but she had to know. **

**Serena inhaled deeply, trying to settle her nerves. She hoped that Blair could get past this. That maybe they could be friends, until she told her about sleeping with Nate, of course, which was getting harder by the second. "I feel… the same."**

**Blair stared back at Serena, unsure of what to say, or how to react. Her mind was everywhere. All this time, thinking Serena didn't care about her and now Serena admits she's in love with her, it seemed so surreal. **

"**Really?" Blair asked, the whole thing was starting to feel like a dream, she had to ask again.**

**Serena nodded silently, looking down and taking Blair's reaction as a bad sign.**

**But nothing could've prepared her for what happened next. In less than a second, Blair was next to her, reaching a hand up to cup Serena's cheek and pull her lips to hers.**

**The second Blair's lips touched hers, Serena felt a rush of relief and practically euphoria, immediately kissing Blair back. She brushed her tongue across Blair's lips and the brunette opened her mouth without hesitation. It was unbelievable. Surely this was all a dream. But as Serena's tongue met Blair's, the brunette moaned and Serena knew it wasn't a dream because there is no way she could have imagined a sound so perfect.**

**Air became vital, unfortunately, and Serena pulled away only about an inch or so from Blair, whose eyes were still closed. When she finally opened them, Serena was staring back at her in awe and she gave her a soft smile.**

"**That was amazing," Serena whispered, still a little shocked that Blair had kissed her.**

**Blair bit her lip and nodded. "Does that mean you'll stay this time?" **

"**I'll stay as long as you want," Serena promised, brushing a few strands of hair out of Blair's face. **

"**Well, Eleanor will be home soon," Blair explained softly.**

"**Ah, I see." Serena said, "So should I be going?"**

"**Actually, I was thinking we could move this to my room?" The brunette stood, smirking, and offered her hand to Serena, who readily took it.**


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

Ashley walked into her bedroom and fell back on her bed, staring up at the ceiling. The day had been long and extremely eventful. She hadn't had such a good day since she moved to New York, which she found to be incredibly sad.

"Is it true?!" Kyla's voice made Ashley sit up quickly.

"What?"

"Are you friends with Serena van der Woodsen?" her sister asked excitedly, gripping her laptop in her hands.

Gossip Girl really does know all, Ashley thought. The whole Gossip Girl phenomenon was an incredibly vital part of Upper East Side living that Ashley had only appeared in a few times. But now that she was hanging out with Serena, she knew she'd most likely be making more appearances.

"Yes," Ashley said slowly, her tone was that of utter boredom. "Why are you so giddy? You've never met her. She left before we even got here, Ky," she said, rolling her eyes.

Kyla came over and sat on Ashley's bed, turning the screen towards Ashley. The first thing the older brunette saw was the heading "The Other van der Woodsen…"

She skimmed the paragraph quickly, then reread it at a slower pace. Why would Blair go to see Spencer? The blonde had said earlier that Blair had stopped talking to her after what happened between them after Serena left. And now Serena was back. Ashley figured Blair was asking Spencer to not tell Serena.

"Are you dating a van der Woodsen?" Kyla continued to question her and Ashley shook her head. Technically, she had yet to call Spencer, and she felt like she should wait at least a few hours before calling her. And also, Ashley didn't date. She'd never been on an actual date before and she had no idea what she was supposed to do for this date. It was obvious that Spencer didn't care about money, so something extravagant probably wouldn't impress her. And the older girl seemed to dislike the party scene, which was Ashley's usual home advantage. The girls she'd picked up and took to insane parties were just for fun, and honestly, it was easy to get laid if you introduced them to the rich and famous.

But Ashley knew that Spencer wasn't one of those girls. She was level-headed and sweet and Ashley definitely had a genuine crush on her. Who knows, maybe next week she would be dating a van der Woodsen. The thought caused a smile to appear on her face.

"Oh my God! You are, aren't you?" Kyla interrupted her thoughts once again, causing Ashley's smile to fade.

She threw a pillow at her sister's head. "Get out."

Kyla smiled widely, "Oh, I cant wait to tell Jenny. She's going to flip!"

"You," Ashley began, firmly, "are not going to tell anyone. Especially that Humphrey girl. She's like Blair Waldorf's protégé…"

"She won't tell anyone," the younger brunette said, though even she didn't believe that. Jenny was her best friend, but the girl was dead set on being popular.

Ashley raised an eyebrow at her sister, as if to say, 'Do you really believe that?'

"Fine, okay? I wont tell anyone. I guess we'll just have to wait till Gossip Girl finds out." Kyla made her way out of the room quickly as another pillow sailed her way.

"There's nothing to find out!" she yelled at Kyla's retreating back, then laid back down on her bed and sighed. She glanced back over at the laptop still on her bed, reaching into her pocket to pull out Spencer's card. She had yet to examine it, and was surprised to read that Spencer's last name was actually Carlin, not van der Woodsen. Obviously she had taken her father's last name.

She read the name and number over and over, wondering if she should call or if it was too soon. She had just gotten back from Spencer's and what if Blair was still there?

She exhaled, frustrated. She was Ashley Davies, she didn't act this way, like an inexperienced nervous wreck. She was always in control of her emotions, and she was going to call Spencer right now. Who cares if it's a little soon?

_____________________________________________________________________

Spencer sat on her couch, reading Gossip Girl's latest update, which her friend Vanessa, told her she was in. She thought it odd that her artsy, 'War and Peace' loving friend would waste her time reading Gossip Girl. Truthfully, Spencer had been constantly checking the website when it first came out during her junior year at Constance Billiard. But after senior year, she realized it was very odd how this elusive Gossip Girl knew everything about everyone, and decided that she didn't need or want to know any of it.

But now, she was once again a subject for Gossip Girl to discuss, since Serena was back and everyone was dying to know everything.

She read the latest post and groaned. Apparently, Gossip Girl had managed to spot both Ashley and Blair outside of her building. She hoped that if Serena read this, she wouldn't jump to the wrong conclusion… or the right one.

Her phone began to ring and she was grateful for the distraction.

"Hello?" she answered, since the number on her screen was unfamiliar.

"Hey Spencer, its me, Ashley…" the brunette said into the phone. Her voice was soft and Spencer could sense the edge of nervousness in it. She found it adorable.

Spencer laughed, "You don't waste time, do you?"

"Well, wasting time isn't an option when you're as popular as me," Ashley explained sarcastically, "I have to make plans early in the week, you know, 'cause everybody's trying to get on my schedule."

"I guess I should feel honored then," the blonde replied, keeping up the banter.

"You should," Ashley said, matter-of-factly, causing Spencer to laugh again. Ashley was surprised at how easy it was to talk to Spencer. She wondered why the hell she'd been so nervous to call. "Anyway, I was wondering if you were free on Friday night?" Ashley asked, knowing it was a cheesy line.

"Hmm, I don't know, I have to check my schedule…" Spencer began, though Ashley could hear her smile through the phone. "Yea, Friday is good."

"Great," Ashley said, relieved and smiling widely. "So, do you mind if Serena knows?"

Spencer laughed, "No, its fine. Besides, if she's read the Gossip Girl post then she probably already knows.."

"Ah, yea… You saw that?"

"I was reading it when you called, actually." Spencer glanced over at the lap top screen again and hit refresh, wanting to see if there was another update.

And indeed, there was.

________________________________________________________________________

**hey people!**

**Everyone is buzzing about S…. **

including me, of course. From what I've been hearing from all of you, things are bound to get heated between our favorite best friends S and B, especially since S was spotted outside of B's building having what seemed to be a possible 'lover's quarrel' with N. She's only been back for a day and already S is making waves… But we all adore her the same.

You know you love me,

GG


	8. Chapter 8

_Chapter 8_

_**Blair and Serena lay on Blair's bed after endless minutes of making out, they both knew they still had a lot to talk about. Serena wasn't sure what to do about telling Blair. She knew if she didn't tell her now, it'd end up eventually getting out, and then it might ruin everything.**_

"_**B…?" Serena whispered, looking over at the brunette lying beside her. **_

_**Blair looked back at her with a soft smile. "Yea?"**_

_**Serena swallowed thickly. How could she tell her now? After what just happened? It never really occurred to Serena that Blair would still have any feelings for her, except anger, after all this time**_

_**Sensing the fear Serena was struggling with, Blair slowly reached out her hand, lacing their fingers together. "What is it?"**_

"_**I-- I have to tell you what happened that night," Serena began, feeling the tears well up in her eyes. **_

_**Seeing the pain on Serena's face, Blair knew that she had a secret that could possibly end them. But Blair also had a secret, and she knew it could also mess up any chances of them being together. So she leaned in and captured the blonde's lips, kissing her slowly, with as much love and tenderness as she could.**_

_**When they pulled away, Serena had tears running down her face and Blair was quick to brush them away and say, "Whatever it is, its in the past, okay? I forgive you, S. I know how messed up you were, but I also know where your heart was."**_

_**Serena nodded, tears still falling. "With you. It was always with you, Blair. And I swear, from this point forward, I'll do anything I can to make it up to you. I know I cant take away the pain I've caused you and it kills me, but I've really changed, and I'll never hurt you again."**_

_**Blair nodded softly, "I believe you."**_

_**Serena smiled through her tears. Blair was so amazing, and she knew she didn't deserve her forgiveness, but it didn't matter. She was lucky, and she wasn't going to question it.**_

"_**So what does this mean?" Serena asked, finally getting to the big question. Were they together? Was Blair going to break up with Nate? Would they tell anyone?**_

"_**I want to be with you," Blair said honestly, not breaking eye contact with Serena. "But I think its best if we keep it between ourselves for now. I have to break up with Nate and I don't need Gossip Girl or anyone else making this seem like an illicit affair. This is real, isn't it?"**_

"_**Yes," Serena smiled, "Its very real. And you're right. We should wait until we're both ready to face everyone. I'm not going to lie, Blair, I'm scared."**_

"_**Me, too. But we'll have each other when the time comes, right?"**_

"_**Right."**_

_**______________________________________________________________________**_

_**The alarm sounded and Ashley groaned, hitting the snooze button. The previous night, she'd stayed up talking to Spencer for hours and now her only motivation for going to school was that Spencer was going to meet her afterwards for coffee.**_

_**Kyla, ever the morning person and obviously not fully related to Ashley, came bounding into her sister's room. "Come on, Ash, we can't be late today."**_

_**Ashley stretched and then remained still. "Why not?"**_

"_**Because! Now, get your ass out of bed!" her sister said, pulling on the bed covers.**_

"_**Alright, alright. Give me a minute," Ashley conceded, getting out of bed and walking into her private bathroom, closing the door behind her. **_

"_**Fifteen minutes, Ash!" Kyla yelled through the door before walking over to the laptop on Ashley's night stand. It was already on Gossip Girl so she hit refresh, and read the latest update. Just as she finished, her phone rang.**_

"_**Hey Jenny," she answered, knowing it was her best friend by the ring tone. **_

"_**Oh my God, Ky, guess what I just found out?" Jenny said into the phone excitedly.**_

"_**What?" Kyla asked, the enthusiasm in her voice matching her friend's as she walked out of her sister's room and towards her own.**_

"_**Did you read Gossip Girl's update yesterday about Serena's cousin?"**_

"_**Uh, yea, duh. My sister is like dating her," Kyla said before remembering that she wasn't supposed to tell anyone, especially Jenny.**_

"_**Seriously?!" Jenny asked and Kyla forgot about what her sister said.**_

"_**Yeah, Ashley told me last night," she proclaimed proudly, "Anyway, what did you find out about her?"**_

"_**You're never going to believe this but she lives in my building. She moved in a few months ago, but she has a different last name."**_

"_**Whoa, that's really weird. How'd you find this out?" Kyla asked, completely engrossed.**_

_**Jenny went on to explain Dan's encounter with Blair on the steps, when he nearly knocked her over, and how Dan's friend Vanessa is Spencer's neighbor. Spencer had originally asked Vanessa not to tell anyone that she was a van der Woodsen, but since it was now all over Gossip Girl, there was no longer a need to.**_

"_**Okay, Kyla, Im ready, let's go," Ashley yelled from the hall.**_

"_**I'm coming!" Kyla called back, then said into the receiver, "Hey, I'll meet you at school in ten, and we'll talk more."**_


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

The vibration of Blair's phone woke her from the most peaceful sleep she was sure she had ever had. With great effort, she tried not to jar the sleeping blonde who was currently wrapped around her as she reached for her phone. When she saw who was calling, she mentally cursed herself. Did she really need to be reminded she had a boyfriend right now?  
She hit ignore, feeling a slight bit of guilt as she did. It wasn't Nate's fault that she'd rather be with Serena.  
"Who's calling you this early?" Serena murmured as she burrowed her face into the pillow.  
Blair turned around to face the other girl, smiling softly and pushing her hair out of her face. "It was just Kati. Sometimes she needs help picking out shoes." Blair lied, not wanting Nate to spoil their morning.  
Serena looked up at Blair and raised an eyebrow. "Seriously?"  
The brunette laughed, thinking of the countless times Kati had actually called her for that reason.  
"Well I do have impeccable taste," she answered, leaning in to capture Serena's lips in a lingering kiss. As she pulled away, she caught a glimpse of the clock. The alarm would be going off in a few minutes. "We should get up. We have school and you don't have your uniform," she observed and then added, "I'd let you borrow mine but I don't think it'd fit."  
Serena's head shot up in offense, "Are you calling me fat?"  
Blair looked at her incredulously before bursting out laughing. "No, S, there's just a bit of a height difference, remember?"  
"Oh," the blonde said, settling back down. "Its too early."  
"Clearly," Blair agreed, raising her eyebrows.  
"Shut up."  
The brunette smiled and leaned in, her face inches away from the other girl's, as she whispered, "Make me."  
Serena didn't have to think twice before she closed the distance. As the kiss began to heat up, the shrill tone of the alarm sounded through the room, surprising them both. Blair pulled away, leaning over Serena to turn it off and giving the blonde a pretty good view down her shirt. She caught the girl not-so-subtly looking and felt herself tremble as Serena bit her lip. Blair moved back to her side of the bed and looked at Serena, whose eyes were noticeably darker. "Hold that thought," she said as she went to get out of the bed. "I'll get ready and then we'll go to your place so you can change."  
"Or," Serena began, grabbing the other girl's hand and pulling her back onto the bed, "We could skip school and stay in bed all day."  
Blair nearly moaned at the insinuation behind Serena's words and it took all of her will power to get back out of the bed. "You can't skip school on your second day back, S. Besides, if we're both missing, it'll be more than suspicious," she explained, logically, trying to dissuade herself as much as Serena. She turned and made her way to the bathroom, knowing if she stayed another second, her prior efforts would have all been in vain. "I'll be ready in 10 minutes," she called back before closing the door and leaning against it. It was going to be a long day.

Ashley was surprised as she walked into first period History and found Serena in the desk next to the one she usually occupied.  
"Hey," the blonde smiled broadly as Ashley walked over to her desk and sat down.  
"Hey," she said back, "Looks like we have a class together." This was really a nice surprise for the brunette since History was not only her most boring class but it also had the most group projects and usually nobody wanted to work with the school dyke.  
Serena nodded, "What do you have next?"  
"Spanish."  
The blonde smiled again, "Same here."  
"You any good?" Ashley asked her.  
"Not really."  
"Well, you're in luck because I'm fluent," Ashley told her. "If you need help, just ask."  
Serena was impressed by this. She always wished she could speak another language, but due to her bad memory and pronunciation, language classes were usually her most challenging classes.  
"Thanks," she smiled at her new friend, who nodded back.  
The teacher walked in and began to dictate notes a mile a minute so they weren't able to talk much the rest of the class. It gave Serena time to think whether it'd be okay to tell Ashley about her and Blair, seeing as Ashley herself was an out lesbian.  
She figured she should talk to Blair before she told anyone though, just to be on the safe side since the whole thing was currently up in the air.  
The bell rang and they gathered up their books and headed to Spanish class together. While walking in the hall, Ashley got up the courage to ask Serena about something that had been on her mind since yesterday.  
"Serena?"  
"Hmm?" the blonde looked over.  
"Um, I just wanted to ask you something. Its a little personal, so I understand if you don't want to answer it."  
The way Ashley was talking made Serena a little panicked. Did she know about Blair? Did she have some sort of 'gaydar' that may have tipped her off that Serena wasn't straight?  
"You can ask me anything," the blonde smiled, feigning confidence. All things considered, there were far worse things than Ashley knowing.  
"Well, I was wondering... Is there something going on between you and Nate?"  
"What?" Serena had to stop herself from laughing out loud. "No, there's nothing going on with us. What gave you that idea?"  
Ashley shrugged, "I'm obviously no expert when it comes to guys, but he seemed to be really into you yesterday."  
They got to the classroom and sat down before Serena answered, "Yeah, I know he is... But there's nothing I can do about it. No matter how many times I tell him I don't feel the same, he doesn't believe me and I don't want to lose him as a friend."  
Ashley nodded, understanding the situation and why Serena had seemed unaffected by it the day before. She was used to it. It hardly surprised Ashley as she looked at the girl. People must fall in love with her everyday. It was just a part of life by now.  
"Was it really that obvious?" Serena asked, hoping Blair wouldn't pick up on it.  
"Not really but my sister was talking about how there was something on Gossip Girl and I had kind of noticed it yesterday."  
Serena furrowed her eyebrows and was about inquire more into the said 'Gossip Girl post' but the teacher began to speak in Spanish and it pretty much kept Serena's attention for the whole class. Every few minutes Ashley would look over at the thoroughly confused blonde and whisper what the teacher was talking about in English. By the time class was over, Serena had forgotten her question and her and Ashley parted ways, promising to talk more at lunch.

Luckily, Blair had managed to get Serena moving and made it to school on time, which was probably a first for Serena, she thought to herself and smiled. Now she was sitting in her fourth period study, awaiting lunch and a chance to see Serena since, unfortunately, they had no other classes together. She was snapped out of her thoughts by a pen tapping her shoulder lightly and turned around to face Isabelle.  
"What?" Blair whispered to her friend.  
Isabelle handed Blair her cell phone and asked, "Did you see this?"  
Blair looked at the screen and saw it was a Gossip Girl post she had, in fact, not seen. A weird feeling that crept up on her as she read about Serena and Nate being spotted fighting outside of her apartment building. A lovers' quarrel?  
"Well, Gossip Girl is obviously just grasping for anything to put the spotlight back on Serena," she said with a hint of disgust while handing back the phone. However, her insides didn't seem so sure about that statement. Blair definitely wasn't stupid; she was more than aware of the feelings that Nate had for Serena. After Serena left, he had seemed almost as distraught as she did, but she was better at hiding it.  
But after last night, she felt guilty for having any doubts about Serena's feelings. She knew she should ask Serena before jumping to conclusions. For all she knew, they could've been joking around or something.  
The bell finally rang and Blair headed towards her locker with Kati and Isabelle in toe.  
"So you're not worried at all about Serena?" Kati asked, confused by Blair's behavior. Usually she would be on the war path by now, but she seemed pretty calm about the whole thing.  
Blair opened her locker and turned to her friends, "There's nothing to worry about. You guys should stop believing everything you read on Gossip Girl. Its all just speculation," she reasoned and it seemed to work. The subject was changed to next month's fundraiser-slash-masquerade ball that they were in charge of organizing.  
When they arrived in the cafeteria, they took their usual seats as Blair scanned the room for Serena who appeared to not have gotten there yet. She half-listened to her friends chatting about budgets and guests until she spotted the blonde walking in with, of course, Ashley Davies. Blair groaned internally, hoping that she wasn't going to have to make peace with Ashley due to her relationship with Serena. The blonde made eye contact with her and smiled her gorgeous smile, making Blair grin like an idiot as she waved her over. She watched as Serena set her stuff down at the table she had occupied with Ashley the day before, then made her way towards Blair.  
"Hey guys," Serena greeted the table and everyone returned it. Then she looked down at Blair. "What's up, B?"  
Blair smiled. "Just wanted to remind you to meet me in the library when you're done so I can help you catch up in English," she said with a concealed wink so that Serena would go along with it.  
"Right, yeah," Serena nodded, trying not to show her excitement to have alone time with Blair. "I'll meet you there."  
"Good," the brunette answered, and watched as Serena made her way back to the other table.

"So you and Spence disappeared on us yesterday," Serena smiled mischievously at Ashley. "Where'd you guys go?"  
"We just went back to her place and talked," Ashley replied honestly, knowing that Serena wanted to hear something more interesting.  
Serena gave her a blank look. "That's it? You just... talked?"  
"Well, I asked her out, too," Ashley said, enjoying teasing the blonde.  
Staring at her expectantly, Serena finally gave in and asked, "Well what did she say?"  
Ashley smiled, thinking about Spencer and how she was going to see her in a few hours. "She said yes."  
Serena's face broke out into a huge smile, "That's awesome! I'm so happy that you guys hit it off. You make such a hot couple."  
Ashley almost blushed, remembering that her and Spencer's first kiss had an audience.  
"So what are you planning to do for the date?" Serena asked.  
"Well, I was hoping you'd help me out with that," Ashley said, a little embarrassed as she added, "I've never actually been on a real date."  
Serena raised her eyebrows, "Really?"  
Ashley nodded.  
"Well, alright, I'll help you," Serena agreed. "Spence really isn't high maintenance, so I'm sure she'd be okay with just dinner and maybe a movie or concert. She's really into music actually. She wants to start her own record company."  
Ashley thought this over, trying to think of something good. Spencer's interest in music was a new development that Ashley was glad to know. She also loved music as she herself was an aspiring musician.  
"Ash?" Serena said, trying to get the girl's attention.  
"Hmm? Sorry, I kind of zoned out for a second. What's up?"  
"Remember how you said something about there being a Gossip Girl post?" Serena asked her, hoping she didn't sound too nervous.  
It took Ashley a second to think back to the conversation they'd had that morning. "Oh, yea. I didn't see it myself, but my sister said there was something about you and Nate fighting in front of Blair's building. I think Gossip Girl used the terminology 'lovers' quarrel' to describe it," she explained, knowing now that it was a misconception and feeling bad for the girl as she recalled the idle gossip she'd heard from other girls in her classes. Everyone now seemed to think there was something going on between Nate and Serena.  
"Shit," Serena cursed under breath. She turned around and saw that Blair had already left. Gathering her stuff, she apologized to Ashley, saying she had catch up work to do and she'd see her later.  
Once out of the cafeteria, Serena practically ran up the three flights of stairs in order to get to the library. When she got there, she spotted Blair sitting at a table in the corner and made her way over and sat down across from her. The brunette looked up from her book and smiled. "Hey you."  
Serena smiled uneasily, still a little out of breath, "Hey. Can we go somewhere and talk?"  
Blair nodded, a little concerned by the blonde's urgency. "C'mon," she said, getting up and going to the back of the library where they could be alone. "What's wrong, S?"  
"There's a post on Gossip Girl about last night and it says--"  
Blair put a finger to the exasperated blonde's lips and said, "I know what it says."  
Serena searched Blair's face for any signs of anger or disappointment, but found none. "Why didn't you say anything?"  
Blair sighed, "Serena, I meant what I said last night. This is a clean slate. So far, you've given me no reason not to trust you."  
The blonde relaxed considerably and pulled the brunette in for a hug. "You're amazing, you know that?" she whispered into Blair's ear.  
Blair hugged her back tightly, "I know," she smiled as Serena laughed.  
They finally pulled away and Serena leaned against the bookshelf. "Do you wanna come over after school?" she asked as Blair reached out to straighten her tie.  
The brunette smiled and looked up at her. "Of course."  
"Great," Serena said, wishing school was over already because all she wanted to do was kiss the girl. But they had already decided they needed to be careful and kissing during school was too big of a risk.  
"Yeah," the brunette said softly, her eyes seemingly glued to Serena's lips. "I know we said we wouldn't but..." she trailed off as she leaned in a little, biting her lip. "I really, really want to kiss you right now."  
Serena swallowed, and looked around then back at Blair. "I don't think I'd stop you if you did," she whispered.  
"Good," Blair said quickly before grabbing Serena's tie and pulling her down to meet her lips. It was by far the most passionate kiss they'd shared yet, and if Serena was honest, it was the most passionate kiss she'd ever experienced. She had never enjoyed kissing someone this much, and she had never felt so much from another person either.  
Blair finally broke the kiss, in need of oxygen. She leaned against Serena, feeling as though she wouldn't be able to stand on her own, and rested her hand over the taller girl's heart. It was pounding just as hard as hers and she smiled, feeling what she thought was the greatest feeling in the world; she wasn't alone in this.  
--------------------------------------------


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

When the final bell rang, Serena was practically already out of the classroom. It would seem that today had been the longest school day ever and she had spent a good 20 minutes of her math class wondering if the clock had somehow gained hours.  
She rushed to her locker and dumped her unneeded books in it before slamming it shut, only to find Blair on the other side.  
"How'd you get here so fast?" Serena asked, practically out of breath from her efforts to get out of school as soon as possible.  
Blair just smiled and shrugged, "Guess I have more practice than you."  
Serena rolled her eyes and grabbed the books Blair was holding in her arms. "Well, let's go," she smiled as Blair raised an eyebrow. "What?"  
"You're going to carry my books?" Blair asked, laughing a little.  
The blonde smiled and leaned in to whisper in Blair's ear, "You need to save your strength. I want to be the only thing that wears you out." With that, she pulled away and started down the hall. Blair remained where she was, afraid she'd forgotten how to breathe as she watched Serena walk away, her hips swaying ever so hypnotically. When the blonde realized she was walking alone, she turned her head and called back, "You coming, B?"  
Blair bit her lip, her mind immediately drifting to less than innocent thoughts. And she could tell Serena was amused by the effect she had on her.  
She shook her head, snapping back to reality, and walked briskly over to Serena. "Fucking tease," she whispered playfully as she walked past the blonde and out the doors. Serena laughed to herself and then followed.

They were about to catch a cab when Serena spotted Spencer walking up to the school.  
"Spence!" she called out. Her cousin turned around and Serena waved her over.  
"Hey guys," Spencer greeted them with a smile as she walked up holding two Starbucks coffees.  
Serena smirked, wanting to grill her cousin on sneaking off with Ashley, but then she remembered she had more pressing matters to attend to. "What are you doing here?" Serena asked, though she was sure she already knew the answer.  
"Uh, well I promised Ash that I'd bring her coffee since she didn't get a lot of sleep because of me." Spencer immediately wished she had rethought her wording as Serena raised an eyebrow.  
"That came out wrong," Spencer said, shaking her head and blushing slightly.  
"Well, call me later, okay?" Serena told her and Spencer nodded, her attention now on Ashley, who was walking towards them. "You kids have fun," she joked, before grabbing Blair's hand and leading her towards a cab.

"Is Spencer dating Ashley?" Blair asked once they were on their way to Serena's.  
The blonde nodded. "Technically their first date is Friday night."  
"Oh," Blair answered.  
Serena glanced over at her. "What?"  
The brunette shrugged. "I just think Spencer could do better."  
"What's wrong with Ashley?" Serena asked, confused by Blair's dislike of the girl.  
"She's into random hook ups and parties. She doesn't seem like she'd be Spencer's type."  
Serena laughed, "How do you know what Spencer's type is?"  
Blair tensed up for a second but composed herself quickly, hoping Serena didn't notice, "I don't know. I just know Spencer, and it seems like a weird pairing."  
"Maybe, but I think Ash is pretty serious about her. She might surprise you."  
"Maybe." Blair pretended to agree, wanting to end the conversation before it took another unexpected turn. Luckily, the cab pulled up at Serena's hotel just then. Serena insisted on paying and Blair knew how stubborn she could be, so she didn't fight her on it.  
"So does this mean you wear the pants in the relationship?" Blair asked, amused by Serena's acts of chivalry.  
Serena smiled as they made their way through the lobby and into the elevator. "Did you wanna wear the pants? Cause I could be a total femme if that's what you're into."  
"You can wear the pants. They'd probably look better on you," Blair teased.  
Serena smiled devilishly and pushed Blair against the elevator wall, pressing the length of her body against the smaller girl. "Good," she whispered, trailing her fingertips down Blair's arms lightly. "cause I'd rather you wear nothing." She pressed her lips to Blair's, loving the feeling of the brunette's soft lips against her own. Her tongue slid across Blair's bottom lip and the girl gasped, the action allowing Serena's tongue to seek hers. But before the kiss could get any deeper, the elevator came to a stop, and they broke away reluctantly.  
Serena grabbed Blair's hand and pulled her down the hall, almost running, and tried to put the key in the door, missing a few times due to her excitement and impatience. Finally, Blair grabbed the key from her, sliding it in the lock with ease and smirking as the blonde glared at her.  
"C'mon," Blair said, rolling her eyes and pulling Serena into the penthouse.

Spencer stood in the foyer of Ashley's townhouse, looking at all the posters and rock star memorabilia that obviously belonged to Ashley's father and his band. It had been Ashley's idea to come here so she could change out of her uniform before they hung out. What they were planning to do was still up in the air, but Spencer didn't really care. She was fine just talking to the girl. She would be fine with not talking, too, she thought with a wry smile and shook her head.  
"What are you smiling about?" Ashley's voice filled the room, startling Spencer.  
"Oh, uh," the blonde stalled, "Um, just thinking about... stuff..." She ducked her head to avoid Ashley's eyes and mentally cursed herself for being such a bad liar.  
"Stuff?" Ashley repeated, raising an eyebrow at the blushing girl. God, she was adorable.  
Spencer nodded, pretending to be intrigued by a poster on the wall.  
Ashley laughed, "Okay then. What do you want to do?"  
Spencer looked over at Ashley, taking a good look at her for the first time since she returned from changing. She had to keep her jaw from dropping as she took in Ashley's tanned abs that were barely covered by a black band tee. "Uh," Spencer swallowed, her mouth suddenly dry. Why was she so damn nervous? She must seem like an idiot, stuttering and stumbling over her words.  
"I-- I'm up for anything." Spencer answered finally before adverting her eyes back to the poster.  
Ashley walked over and stood beside Spencer, examining the poster also. "This was from the band's first headlining tour, back in the 80's," the brunette explained. "Serena told me you want to start your own record company after college," Ashley prompted, feeling like she should try to ease the other girl's nerves.  
Spencer smiled, "Yeah, that's the plan. Its not very van-der-Woodsen-like, but neither are a lot of things about me, if you haven't noticed."  
"I've definitely noticed," Ashley assured her, "Its one of the reasons I like you." They made eye contact for a brief second before Spencer looked away, blushing again.  
The brunette smiled, enjoying making Spencer blush. "C'mon, let's sit down so I can grill you about music," Ashley motioned towards the living room and Spencer nodded, "Okay."

Serena pulled away from Blair's lips, gasping for air. They had finally made it to Serena's room and had spent the last 20 minutes making out on her bed.  
"B?" she asked, breathlessly, staring down at the girl beneath her.  
Blair propped herself up on her elbows, "What is it?"  
The blonde smiled slightly, "Have you, um.. Are you still a... you know..." she stumbled over her words, unsure whether the question would offend the girl.  
Blair swallowed and looked away. "Does it matter?"  
"No, no. I was just..." Serena sighed and ducked her head. "I don't want to go too fast. I mean, I want to... you know... but I think I should at least take you out on a date first."  
The brunette reached up and tilted Serena's head so she could see her eyes. "Are you asking me out?"  
"Would you say 'yes'?"  
"I asked you first," Blair teased playfully.  
"Fine," Serena gave in and took a breath, making her face serious. "Blair, I know we can't actually go out but would you let me cook you dinner on say, Friday night?"  
"You can cook?" Blair raised an eyebrow. That was new.  
Serena shrugged, "I'm full of surprises. Anyway, is that a yes?"  
"I don't know, I'm kind of scared..." Blair said sarcastically, earning her a pillow in the face. "Oww!" she screamed, laughing and grabbing a pillow of her own. The fight escalated until Serena managed to get the pillow away from Blair and pin her down to the bed.  
"Now," she began, still catching her breath and trying to keep Blair's arms in place as the brunette strained against her. "Will you have dinner with me?"  
"Is this how you get all the girls?" Blair asked, knowing that her stalling would only frustrate Serena more.  
The blonde shook her head. "Only you, because you're so damn stubborn. And there are no other girls," her voice dropped to a low whisper, "There's never been. You're the only girl I want and I'm afraid I won't be able to let go until you say 'yes'."  
Blair bit her lip at Serena's words, wishing she could say the same. "What if I don't want you to let me go?"  
"Then say you'll have dinner with me," Serena pleaded.  
"Of course I'll have dinner with you," Blair agreed, finally, "Now can we make out again?"  
Serena laughed, "I think we should set boundaries, 'cause I'm tempted very easily."  
Blair reached up and began to undo the first button of Serena's blouse. "How about everything above the skirt is fair game?"  
The blonde smiled broadly, "Works for me."

"You play guitar?" Spencer asked as Ashley led her into her room. There were three guitars on stands; an electric, an acoustic, and a combination of both. There was also an impressive drum set and electric keyboard set up.  
"Amongst other things," Ashley motioned to the other instruments. "But mainly I play guitar and sing. Back in LA, I had a band and we were pretty good. People used to come from all over Southern California to see us."  
"Wow," Spencer was definitely impressed. "Why didn't you start another band here?"  
Ashley shrugged, sitting down on her bed. "I haven't found anybody who'd be interested, I guess." She patted the space beside her, "Come sit down. I won't bite," she teased with a wink.  
The blonde smiled and sat down next to her, "So did you ever consider going solo?"  
"Yeah, I mean, I have a whole bunch of songs written and I've even recorded some, but I don't have the courage to get up on stage and perform by myself. Plus, being in a band was like having a second family. It really adds to the experience and each person has different ideas, so it doesn't get boring." Ashley spoke softly, showing Spencer a new side of the girl.  
Spencer put her hand over Ashley's, "Sounds like you really miss it."  
The brunette looked over at her and nodded. "I really do. Being up on stage and playing is one of the best feelings in the world."  
"Well, I'd love to hear one of your songs sometime," Spencer said, giving Ashley's hand a squeeze. In her mind, Spencer was already thinking up a plan to get Ashley back on stage, when it hit her. She had the perfect plan.  
"Only if you promise to be nice," the brunette smiled, enjoying the feeling of Spencer's hand in hers. Who knew Ashley Davies could be satisfied with just holding hands? If it had been any other girl, she was sure she would avoid it. But there was something special about Spencer; Ashley could already tell.  
"I promise," the blonde nodded, though she was sure Ashley would be amazing. Music was in her blood. "Listen, about Friday, I know you're the one who asked me out but, do you mind if I take you somewhere? I really think you'll like it."  
"Sure," Ashley answered, relieved that she wouldn't have to plan the date seeing as she still had no idea what they'd do. "But I get the next one," the brunette ventured boldly, already assuming there was going to be a second date.  
The blonde smiled, "Deal."  
Ashley had to stop herself from jumping up and down giddily. "Cool," she said, keeping herself calm and collected. "So what were you smiling about earlier?"  
Spencer laughed, she was quickly learning that Ashley was quite persistent, this being the third time she asked since the incident. "You really want to know, don't you?"  
"You've intrigued me. I can't help it," Ashley admitted.  
"Well, I guess since we're already planning a second date, I can tell you," Spencer conceded, her nerves finally seeming to dissipate as her eyes settled on Ashley's lips. "I was thinking about doing this," she whispered before pressing her lips to the brunette's.  
Ashley was caught off guard, but it hardly lasted a second before she kissed the girl back without hesitation. She was surprised that Spencer made the first move, but so very glad she did.  
Ashley soon took charge of the kiss, running her tongue over the blonde's lips before being granted access into her mouth. She felt Spencer's hand come up and cup her cheek, pulling her closer as their tongues crashed together harder. The kiss continued, as they broke away only for a few seconds every now and then for air. Ashley was soon pushing Spencer to lie down on the bed, as she hovered over her not breaking the kiss. When Spencer broke away for air, Ashley took the opportunity to explore the blonde's neck, kissing a trail from her jawline to her pulse point, nipping and sucking occasionally and loving the noises Spencer made when she did.  
Spencer had just pulled Ashley's lips back up to meet hers in another hard kiss when there was a knock on the door, causing them to pull away from eachother.  
"Ash?" Kyla called through the door as she jiggled the knob. Thank God Ashley remembered to lock it.  
"I swear, I will be right back," Ashley said, getting off the bed. "Don't. Move."  
Spencer laughed, "Okay."  
Ashley ran over to the door and unlocked it, only sticking her head out. "What do you want, Ky?"  
Kyla gave her a weird look. "Are your lips chapped? They look kind of red and swollen--" Kyla trailed off realizing what Ashley had just been doing as her sister gave her a pointed look. "Is somebody in there?" she asked, and then she finally put two and two together. "Oh my God, is Spence-- ow!"  
Ashley was quick to push her sister away from the door before turning to Spencer and saying, "Just give us a sec, k?"  
The blonde nodded, amused that apparently Ashley had told her sister about them.  
Ashley went out into the hall and closed the door, glaring at her younger sister. "What the hell, Ky?" was all she could think to say.  
Kyla grimaced, "Sorry."  
Rolling her eyes, Ashley asked again, "What do you want?"  
"Me and Jenny were gonna order food. I just wanted to see if you wanted anything. I didn't realize you, um... had company."  
"Well, I do." Ashley said, pretty pissed that her sister interrupted.  
"Okay. If you guys want something--"  
"Wait," Ashley cut her off. "Jenny is here?"  
Kyla looked at her like she was crazy, "Uh, yeah, hello? Its Tuesday. She comes over every Tuesday for Supernatural. You know this."  
Ashley threw her head back and cursed. "You can't tell her Spencer's here."  
"Ash, everyone knows you two are dating, or at least, they suspect it. Besides, Spencer lives in the same building as Jenny." Kyla explained.  
Ashley crinkled her nose in a disgusted sort of way, "Seriously?"  
"I'm afraid so."  
The older brunette groaned. "Fine, just go watch your stupid show and don't bother me again unless its an emergency. And I mean like a fire or something, not if you get freaked out by that show like you always do."  
Kyla rolled her eyes. "Alright, Super Bitch."  
"Vamonos, puta!" Ashley growled, literally shooing her sister back down the hall.  
She took a breath and composed herself before reentering her room. "Sorry about that," she said to the blonde, crawling back onto the bed. "Now, where were we?"  
-----------------------------------------------


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

"You drew this?" Blair asked Serena in awe as she looked at a charcoal portrait of herself.  
Serena nodded, "Yeah, I did." She was really proud of it since it had placed 2nd in the art show at boarding school.  
"I didn't know you could draw," the brunette admitted, trying to remember if she'd ever seen Serena draw anything before.  
"Neither did I until last year at school. I had to take an art class and I found that I really loved it. It helped keep me sane," Serena explained.  
Blair continued to examine the picture, "Well its very flattering," she laughed. "I wish I actually looked this good."  
The blonde sighed and took the picture out of Blair's hands and placed it on the bedside table. "Look at me," Serena whispered and the other girl obliged. "Blair, you are the most beautiful girl I've ever seen. You're just so amazing and I hate it when you downplay yourself like that," she reached up and placed a hand on Blair's cheek, making sure the brunette couldn't turn away. "I hope that one day I can make you see what I see."  
Blair smiled softly, "Kiss me."  
"Gladly," Serena said before capturing Blair's lips with her own and kissing her gently, trying to convey her adoration for the girl.  
When she pulled away, she saw a few tears had fallen down Blair's cheeks and she carefully wiped them away. "Please, don't cry, baby," she whispered, pulling Blair in for a tight hug, and the brunette buried her face in Serena's neck. Breathing in her scent seemed to calm Blair's trembling form.  
"God, I'm so glad you came back," Blair said, her voice scratchy from crying.  
Serena placed a kiss on Blair's shoulder, "Me, too." She ran her hand up and down Blair's back soothingly. "When I was away, I dreamed about being with you like this every single night," Serena whispered. "And whenever I put a pencil to paper, I'd end up drawing you without even realizing. I couldn't draw anything else. I didn't want to, and I still don't want to." Blair tightened her grip and Serena felt fresh tears against her skin. But she couldn't stop. She needed Blair to know that she never stopped caring, not even for a second. "I can't tell you how many times I tried to write you," her voice began shaking as tears came to her eyes, too. "But nothing I ever wrote was good enough, so I never sent them. I thought it'd be better if you forgot about me," she bit her lip to stop it from trembling.  
"I tried," Blair admitted. "I really tried to hate you, but I couldn't. I found myself worrying about you more than anything. I just missed you so much. I wanted to know if you were okay. Everything else was falling apart."  
"I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you when your dad left, B. I know I should've been there, but I thought coming back would make things worse for you," her voice broke as Serena tried to explain, though she knew there were no words that could take back the pain she'd caused.  
Blair pulled back a little so she could look at Serena. They both had tears running down their cheeks and Serena closed her eyes causing more to escape. Slowly, Blair leaned in and kissed them away from the blonde's face then kissed her lips softly.  
"You're here now," Blair whispered and Serena opened her eyes. "We can't change the past, S. Maybe its better that way," the brunette continued, brushing Serena's hair out of her face with her fingers. "I can see that something in you has changed. You seem so much more together and you're finally letting me in. The whole thing, the pain and the time apart, its made us both stronger and it made me realize that what I feel for you is real. Its not just some phase or teenage fling. Which is why I can say that I forgive you. Its because I love you and I know you had to do it for yourself."  
Serena smiled, her eyes still shining with tears and eyeliner running slightly, and Blair couldn't help but lean in and kiss her again. She was so beautiful.  
Their moment was soon interrupted by a loud buzzer. Serena jumped and looked around. "What the hell was that?" She wasn't very familiar with the penthouse; she'd only been back for a few days and had barely spent anytime there.  
Blair laughed. "I think you have a visitor. Are you expecting anyone?"  
"Um, not that I know of," Serena answered, getting up and buttoning her blouse. "I'll be right back."  
She made her way towards the telecom and pressed the 'answer' button. "Hello?" Serena said, hoping she was using it right.  
"Serena, its Nate. I know you're mad at me and I don't blame you but is Blair there? Eleanor said she'd be here."  
Serena swallowed. "Um, can you just hold on for a minute?"  
"Yea," Nate answered.  
The blonde dashed back to her room and through the door, surprising Blair. "Who was it?"  
"Its Nate. He asked if you were here," Serena explained, feeling a little bit of anxiety.  
"Fuck," Blair cursed, walking over to her purse and pulling out her phone. "He's called 8 times since school got out. It might be important," she sighed and walked over to Serena. "Give me a half hour, then call. I'll pretend you're Eleanor, kay?"  
Serena smiled, "Okay." She watched as the brunette straightened her clothes out and grabbed her purse, but grabbed Blair's hand before she could walk out the door, pulling her back.  
"What?" Blair asked, standing in front of the blonde and noticing that the smile had disappeared from Serena's face. "S...?"  
Serena looked at the floor and whispered, "I know he's technically still your boyfriend, but can you... not kiss him?" She felt stupid for asking, but the thought of Blair and Nate together kind of made Serena a little jealous.  
The other girl smiled softly, "Don't worry about that. I have a highly contagious cold," she said with a laugh, but Serena still didn't look up. Blair reached up and tilted Serena's head so that their eyes met. "You've got to trust me, S."  
The blonde looked into Blair's pleading eyes, then nodded, "I trust you."  
Blair smiled and wrapped her arms around the taller girl's neck leaning in for a lingering kiss. She pulled away and looked at Serena. "Remember, half an hour, okay?"  
"I'll set the alarm," Serena half-joked. It actually seemed like a good idea, knowing her and her bad memory.  
Blair laughed, shaking her head and turned to leave.  
"Hey," Serena said, making the brunette turn back towards her. "I love you, too, B," she whispered with a smile since she didn't get a chance to say it earlier.  
Blair bit her lip, trying to conceal her idiotic grin. "Why do you have to make it so hard to leave?"  
"The sooner you go, the sooner you'll get back, right?"  
Blair rolled her eyes at Serena's corniness. "I'm going. Call me," she called over her shoulder as she walked down the hall and out the door.  
Now all Serena could do was wait and pray to God that Nate would realize she hadn't told Blair, and that he wouldn't tell her either. It was going to be the longest 30 minutes of her life, she was sure of it.

When Blair finally made it outside, Nate awaited a slap to the face or a bitch out from the girl. But neither came.  
Instead, Blair walked up to him with a slightly concerned look. "What's going on, Nate? Did something happen?" she asked, looking at him. He looked a little stressed, but other than that he seemed fine.  
"No, I just wanted to talk to you." Nate said, wondering why Blair was at Serena's. Surely, if Blair knew, she'd want nothing to do with the blonde.  
Blair tilted her head, unsure whether she should be flattered or creeped out. "You called 8 times within 2 hours just because you wanted to talk?"  
"Look, I don't know what Serena told you, but--"  
"Is this about that Gossip Girl post?" Blair asked, remembering how everyone at school had been expecting her to flip out. "Because I already talked to Serena. She told me it wasn't what Gossip Girl made it out to be, and I believe her."  
Now Nate was certain that Serena had not told Blair. There was no way that she'd trust Serena or him, if she knew what had happened. He suddenly felt relief flood his body and smiled. "I'm glad you two made up."  
Blair nodded unable to keep from smiling also as she thought about the blonde. "Yea, me too."  
"Listen, Blair," Nate began, seizing his second chance at their relationship. "I know things have been off between us lately, but I've been thinking about it a lot, actually, and from now on I'm going to try to be better. I really am," he promised, reaching over and taking her hand.  
She swallowed, staring at their linked hands in disbelief. Did he seriously have to have this epiphany now? They'd been dating for 4 years, and he was going to start trying now, when she was planning to break up with him? Why couldn't these things ever be easy?  
Blair smiled slightly, "Well, that's good to hear," she lied.  
The boy nodded, seemingly proud of himself and said, "So I was thinking we could go out Friday night?"  
Blair winced, "I can't, sorry, I've already got plans that I can't break."  
"Oh, that's okay. What about Saturday?"  
She thought it over, not really wanting to say yes, but having no real excuse. Besides, she felt guilty for cheating on him with Serena. Despite the fact that she wasn't in love with Nate, she still loved him as one of her closest friends. Hurting him was not going to be easy for her.  
"Saturday works," she answered finally.  
"Great," Nate said. "Well, I'll let you get back to Serena. I'm sure you guys have a lot of catching up to do. Maybe we can all hangout sometime during the week? It'll be like old times."  
"Sure," Blair agreed, plastering on a fake smile.  
Nate made to lean in and kiss her goodbye on the lips, but she put a hand against his chest, keeping him at a distance. He gave her a confused look.  
"Sorry," she said, "I have a cold. I don't want to get you sick."  
"I don't care," he smiled, but Blair kept her hand firm on his chest.  
She shook her head, "You'll be sick for our date."  
Nate nodded, "True. Ok," he settled for kissing her forehead. "I hope you feel better."  
Blair smiled, "Thanks. I'll talk to you later, alright?"  
"Sounds good." He nodded, before backing away and giving the girl a little wave goodbye and a goofy smile. She waved back, laughing a little as she watched him get into cab, then headed back into the hotel.

Serena lay on her bed staring at the ceiling. It had only been 20 minutes, but it seemed like Blair had been gone for days. She clutched her phone in her hand, looking over at the clock every few seconds.  
She was startled when her bedroom door opened and Blair came in, dropping her purse on a chair and immediately getting onto the bed, lying down next to Serena. She sighed heavily and the blonde propped herself on her elbow, looking down at the obviously upset girl.  
"B? What's wrong?" she asked, half frightened for the answer.  
Blair covered her face with her hands, not wanting Serena to see her cry, but she didn't have the will power to hold it in at the moment. Reality was becoming more overwhelming by the second and she wasn't used to being so vulnerable. But now she had something of value; something she needed to protect from the unexpected twists and turns of life that threatened to take it all away if she let her guard down. At least, that's how it felt.  
She felt Serena's soft hands on her wrists as the blonde gently lifted her hands from her face. Blair bit her lip, trying to control her crying, but failing horribly.  
Serena pulled her into a hug, stroking her hair, "Its gonna be okay, baby." The blonde held her for a while, whispering assurances every now and then, but not pushing Blair to talk about it. Right now, the most important thing was making sure the other girl felt safe.  
Soon, Blair stopped crying and settled down, pulling away a little to look at Serena. "Sorry about that," she said.  
"You have nothing to be sorry for," the blonde answered, reaching a hand up to brush the tears off of Blair's cheeks. "Are you okay?"  
The brunette nodded, "Yea, I am now. Thanks."  
"Anytime," Serena promised with a smile.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

"What do you think they're doing?" Jenny asked Kyla as they sat on the couch waiting for Supernatural to start.  
Kyla scrunched up her face, "I'd rather not think about it."  
"You don't think...?" Jenny alluded and glanced in the direction of Ashley's room.  
"Jen..." Kyla warned her friend. She knew Ashley had a reputation. Hell, she'd seen countless girls do the walk of shame through their home. She only hoped that Spencer wouldn't be one of them.  
"Sorry." Jenny said softly, knowing how protective her friend was of her sister.  
The show came on and both girls focused on the television, though neither of them were really paying attention.

"What time is it?" Spencer asked as she lay next to Ashley on the bedroom floor. They'd spent the last few hours listening to music and talking after Ashley had unfortunately fallen off the bed during their heated make out session. Spencer couldn't stop laughing so the brunette refused to kiss her again.  
Ashley slipped her phone out of her pocket and flipped it open. "Its 9 o'clock. Why?"  
Spencer sat up, "I should get going. I've got an English paper to write."  
"Oh," Ashley said, unable to keep the disappointment out of her voice.  
The blonde smiled softly, not wanting to leave either. "Can I call you when I'm done?"  
Ashley's face immediately lit up again, "Yea, of course."  
Spencer nodded and stood up, then pulled Ashley to her feet.  
Her nerves had settled a while ago, so she didn't even hesitate before saying, "So do I get a goodnight kiss?"  
The brunette laughed, "No."  
"Oh, ouch," Spencer feigned hurt and pouted.  
"Wait," Ashley said, "You didn't let me finish."  
The other girl raised an eyebrow, letting Ashley know she was listening. Ashley smiled and leaned in to kiss Spencer softly before pulling away. "You don't get _a_ goodnight kiss," she whispered before kissing Spencer again, "You get two."  
The blonde laughed and shook her head, "You're going to spoil me."  
"I like spoiling you," Ashley said with a sly smile playing on her lips. Spencer could practically see the sensuality dripping from the girl's voice and blushed.  
"Oh, you're good," Spencer admitted before stealing another quick kiss. "Walk me to the door? I'm afraid I'll get lost."  
Ashley laughed and nodded, "Alright."

After Blair had settled down, she told Serena what Nate had said about trying harder and had continued on to rant about how unfair it was that he'd come to this conclusion right as she was planning to drop him.  
Serena sighed, mulling over the situation in her head. She knew why Nate was doing this all of a sudden, but she couldn't tell Blair that without revealing that she slept with him. She figured now was the time to voice a thought that had been on her mind.  
"Maybe we should wait until you break up with him..." Serena suggested, though not willingly.  
Blair looked over at her. "S..."  
"I don't want this to stress you out so much and I know you might need more time--"  
"No," Blair said firmly, cutting her off. "I don't need any time. I know what I want." She reached up and stroked Serena's cheek. "I'm going to break up with him on Saturday no matter what."  
The blonde bit her lip. "Are you sure?"  
"S, I only want you and nothing Nate can say or do will change that. Do you believe me?" Blair asked, not sure what else she could do to convince the other girl.  
Serena swallowed, knowing that there was one thing Nate could say that may indeed change that. "Can you promise me something?" she barely whispered while lacing her fingers through Blair's.  
The brunette, though slightly perturbed by Serena's solemnity, smiled and squeezed her hand. "Anything."  
"Whatever happens," Serena began, locking eyes with Blair, "remember that I love you and I would do anything for you."  
"Ditto," Blair replied without hesitation, finally getting the blonde to smile again.

After first period, Serena walked slowly with Ashley to Spanish. Both girls were exhausted from staying up way too late the night before.  
Serena yawned, "God, is it really only Wednesday?"  
Ashley nodded, trying to keep her eyes open as she avoided being trampled by the onslaught of girls rushing to their next class.  
All of a sudden, Serena felt a hand around her wrist as she was yanked into an empty classroom. Ashley continued on, not even noticing the blonde was no longer walking next to her.  
"Jesus, B," Serena whispered, trying to catch her breath, "You scared the hell out of me."  
Blair smiled, "Sorry about that."  
The blonde returned the smile, "Its fine." She looked around the empty classroom, "So why are we here?"  
"Well, I almost passed out from sleep deprivation during English," Blair explained, "I know you and Kati have Spanish together, so I told her to tell Mrs. Carrigan that you went to the nurse."  
Serena laughed, "Are you suggesting we skip class?"  
"Are you suggesting you don't want to?" Blair raised an eyebrow at the girl.  
"Hell no," the blonde answered quickly. "Let's get out of here."  
"Alright then," Blair said, taking the other girl's hand and leading her out of the classroom.  
_____________________________________________________________________

Nate, once again, had been persuaded by Chuck to blow off school and smoke in Central Park. Not that it really took a lot of persuading. Nate had been so stressed out that he could very much so use a little bit of relaxation time.  
"Would it be that bad of a thing if you two broke up?" Chuck asked him while passing the joint.  
Nate shrugged and took a hit.  
"The way I see it," Chuck began, "Its just not worth the trouble."  
"What do you mean?" Nate wasn't one to ask for Chuck's advice, and when he got it, he rarely followed any of it.  
"Nathaniel," his friend said in his usual patronizing tone. "You've been with Blair, for what, 4 years? And you still haven't had sex. The girl is frigid. I don't know why you put up with it."  
"Because I love her," Nate responded, honestly believing it.  
"Do you really?" Chuck asked, doubtfully, "Or are you just saying that because its comfortable?"  
"What's so bad about being comfortable?"  
Chuck looked over at him with a bit of agitation. Nate could be so dense sometimes and Chuck believed the boy was extremely lucky to have him as a friend. "What's _bad_ about being comfortable is that you don't get any."  
Nate did think it was weird that he and Blair hadn't had sex, but they'd both had a rough time the passed year and had also drifted apart.  
"She's been through a lot," Nate tried to justify, knowing it was a weak excuse.  
Chuck rolled his eyes, and then smirked, "So comfort her."  
Nate shook his head at his friend's one-tracked mind. "There's more to our relationship than just the physical aspect," he pointed out before taking another hit and exhaling slowly, not really wanting to continue the conversation since it was making him more confused.  
"Yes," Chuck agreed, then added, "But if the physical aspect is lacking or nonexistent, then it might as well be just a friendship."  
It was possibly because of the high, but Nate had to admit to himself that maybe, for once, Chuck was right. Maybe they were better off as friends.  
"Ah, look who it is," Chuck said all of a sudden, staring across the park. "The Ice Queen herself."  
Nate looked over and spotted Blair and Serena walking along the side of the park. Without even thinking about the fact that he was high or that an encounter with Serena could be awkward, he got up and made his way over to them. Chuck gave him a head start before getting up and taking his time walking over.

"Oh shit," Serena whispered and Blair looked up at her.  
"What?"  
Serena nodded her head in the direction from which Nate was coming. "Skipping was apparently not an original idea," she mumbled.  
Blair turned her head and saw not only Nate walking towards them, but Chuck, too. It was too late to try and walk away, pretending like they didn't see the boys as Nate waved to them. They had no choice but to stop walking so he could catch up.  
"Hey," Blair greeted him, forcing a smile.  
He smiled back, "How are you feeling?"  
It took Blair a second to realize he was referring to her 'cold'. "Umm, not so great. Serena is walking me home."  
"You don't look sick," Chuck observed as he finally caught up.  
Blair smiled, "Looks can be deceiving. And make up can do wonders."  
"Indeed," Chuck answered, giving Blair and Serena an odd look. It was starting to creep Serena out.  
The blonde ended up looking away and then said, "We should really get you home to rest. I've got to get back to school."  
"Don't worry about it," Nate said to Serena. "I can walk her the rest of the way."  
"No!" Blair and Serena blurted out in unison and Nate looked taken aback. Chuck, however, just stood staring at them smugly.  
"I mean," Blair backtracked, "Eleanor is home and she's expecting Serena to walk me. Besides, if she sees you she'll know you're skipping class... amongst other things," she nodded to the joint still in Chuck's hand.  
Nate nodded, kind of bummed out. "Yea, you're right. Well, I'll call and check up on you later, alright?"  
"Sure, yea, that'd be good." Blair answered with another fake smile.  
"Great," he said, leaning in and placing a quick kiss on Blair's lips before she even knew what was happening. She froze. "Sorry," he apologized with a sheepish smile. "I know I'm not supposed to but I couldn't help myself. You're so beautiful."  
She forced a laugh while freaking out in her head. Not only had Nate kissed her, but he'd also done it in front of Serena. Blair had yet to look at the blonde and was afraid to see what her reaction was. She honestly didn't mean for it to happen. "And you're _so_ high."  
Chuck laughed, yet for a different reason. He definitely saw Serena's reaction and couldn't believe his eyes. He had seen, vividly, the expression of anger and pain flash across the blonde's face before the girl had been able to compose herself.  
Nate gave Chuck a shove to get him to stop laughing. "Hope you feel better," he told Blair, then turned to the girl next to her. "See you around, S."  
Serena nodded, "Yea..."  
Blair watched Nate and Chuck walk away until they were out of sight. Then she wiped her mouth, feeling a little more than disgusted with herself. She was cheating on Nate with Serena, yet, when he kissed her, she felt like it was the other way around. It didn't feel right at all. In fact, she was starting to feel nauseas. Really nauseas.  
"Blair?" The blonde said, looking over at the suddenly pale girl. Blair's eyes darted around in panic before she practically sprinted into a Subway.  
Serena stood dumbfounded for a few seconds before quickly going in after her. She didn't see Blair in the dining area so she made her way to the back where the bathrooms were. Pushing open the door, she winced as she heard the unmistakable sound of someone puking their guts out. She walked to the stall and stood in front of it, waiting until the brunette seemed to settle before knocking. "B? Are you okay?" she asked softly.  
It was silent for a few moments before Blair answered, "Just give me a minute. Wait out there for me."  
Serena could tell the girl was crying. "Are you sure?"  
"S... Please..." Blair pleaded through the door, her voice breaking.  
Serena sighed, not wanting to leave Blair but knowing the girl needed her to. "Okay, I'll be right outside the door if you need me," she conceded before exiting the bathroom.


	13. Chapter 13

[short chapter but the next one will be much longer…]

**Chapter 13**

"So, what's the deal with you and Serena?" Chuck asked Nate as they walked back towards the park after leaving the girls.  
"Um, we're friends," Nate answered, though not sure if that was true anymore.  
Chuck shook his head, "Why are you lying to me, Nate?"  
The other boy was caught off guard by this, "What? I'm not lying to you. We're just friends."  
"You know I'm not one for petty gossip," Chuck began and Nate rolled his eyes, knowing that was hardly true. "But first I read this Gossip Girl post about you two and then we run into Serena and Blair just now and... Serena is not a quiet person, but she barely even said a word." He sighed and looked over at his friend, squinting his eyes slightly, "And the look on her face when you kissed Blair? Pure jealousy. There's something you're not telling me."  
Nate took time to think this over, his mind still hazy. He'd known about Gossip Girl's musings and knew he couldn't tell Chuck what really happened. But could it be that Serena really did have feelings for him? Maybe she really was just protecting Blair by saying she didn't want to be with him.  
"Jealousy? Really?" was all Nate could ask, remembering it was Chuck he was talking to.  
His friend nodded and said with a laugh, "Trust me. She looked like she wanted to seriously hurt someone."  
------------------------------------------------

When Blair had pulled herself together, she and Serena had walked to her building in silence. The blonde was now sitting on her bed while she furiously brushed her teeth for the third time, beginning to taste blood but unable to stop. Unable to get clean.  
She spit into the sink, seeing the now bright red toothpaste slide down the drain. Her mind flashed to Lady Macbeth and she wondered if she was having a nervous breakdown. She looked into the mirror and wiped her mouth with the back of her hand, still clutching the toothbrush; its bristles were coated in blood.  
"Jesus, B," Serena's voice pulled her out of her trance and she looked over at the girl standing in the doorway, then back down at the incriminating toothbrush.  
Serena walked over to her, taking it out of Blair's hand and setting it down before pulling her into a tight hug. "What are you doing?" she whispered. "You're scaring me."  
Blair rested her forehead against the taller girl's shoulder, inhaling slowly. There was something about Serena's scent that calmed the girl greatly. "I'm sorry."  
Serena pulled away and looked at the brunette. "Its not your fault," she told her, though she knew it wouldn't make a difference. Blair just buried her head back into Serena's shoulder.  
"I don't know what's wrong with me," the brunette's voice broke and so did Serena's heart. She couldn't help but think this whole situation was her fault as she held on to the frail girl in her arms.  
"Come on, baby. Lets go lay down," Serena whispered soothingly before taking Blair's hand and leading her out of the bathroom.  
----------------------------------

Ashley sat down at her usual table in the cafeteria. She'd realized Serena had skipped out when the girl didn't show up to Spanish. Ashley was kind of disappointed that the blonde hadn't asked her to come along, but she wasn't going to dwell on it. Though it did feel sort of weird to be eating alone.  
She decided to text Spencer, since she was so bored and also because she'd use any excuse to talk to the girl. She leant down and reached into her bag for her phone, but was startled when she heard the chair next to her being pulled out. Sitting up so fast she almost hit her head, Ashley's jaw dropped when she saw the blonde sitting next to her.  
"Hey there," Spencer said with a smile.  
Ashley continued to stare, completely confused. She wondered if she was imagining things. "Spencer? What're you doing here?"  
The blonde shrugged. "Alumni are allowed to visit the school whenever we want."  
"Oh yea, right. I forgot about that."  
Spencer tilted her head to the side, "There's another reason too," she said softly.  
The brunette raised her eyebrows, "Really? And what would that be?"  
Spencer looked around before leaning in a little closer to whisper, "I'm here to bust you out."  
Ashley laughed, "Are you serious?"  
"As a heart attack," Spencer shot back without hesitation. "S called me. She felt bad about leaving you alone for lunch and since she can't come get you, she sent me."  
"Wow." The brunette was taken aback by the gesture.  
"Yup. So are you going to come willingly or am I going to have to carry you?" Spencer teased, standing up.  
Ashley grabbed her bag and stood up, too. "Well they both sound very appealing. I don't know if I can choose," Ashley joked while pretending to take a second to think it over.  
But before she could even say anything else, the blonde was already scooping her up into her arms. Completely stunned by the action, Ashley couldn't even speak as Spencer carried her out of the cafeteria, catching the attention of the whole room.  
Once outside the doors, Spencer set her back down. "Think you can take it from here?"  
Ashley nodded mutely, still in shock, and Spencer laughed. "You okay?"  
The brunette nodded again, "You're really strong," was all she could say.  
Spencer shook her head, "No I'm not. You're just really light." The blonde chuckled again as Ashley just nodded. "Come on," she said, lacing her fingers through Ashley's and pulling the younger girl down the hall. "They're waiting for us."  
Ashley began to follow but then paused. "Wait... They?"  
Spencer looked back and nodded, "Yeah, Serena and Blair."  
"Oh," the brunette said, a little put off. "Um, maybe I shouldn't go. Blair and I... we don't get along... at all..." she explained vaguely.  
Spencer rolled her eyes. "If you don't start walking I'm going to carry you again. Besides, there's something we all need to talk about."  
The last part had piqued Ashley's curiosity, and also the fact that she'd be spending time with Spencer instead of in class was too good to pass up.  
"Alright, I'm in."


	14. AN

Author's Note: So... it's been about 5 years, I think haha... but I wanted to know if anyone out there wants this story to be continued. The main reason I stopped writing was because I wrote a lot of it on my laptop which met an untimely death. I still remember the direction this story was headed and I'm willing to pick it back up. Honestly, if I get just one review saying that someone actually wants to see where this goes, I will continue. So let me know!

Oh, and BTW, if any of you are lost girl fans, I have a fic I'm working on right now under the name Lcm824, its called Wake Me Up.

Anyway, thanks to all who have read, favorited, followed, and reviewed in my absence. You're all pretty frickin' awesome =)


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